please?

I don't even know where to start. I went to a regular family doctor in November and got a diagnosis of sever OCD, general anxiety order, and PTSD. weird right because I only went in to get a checkup and ask why I felt like I was dying. I went to other doctors and counseling and got generally the same diagnoses.

but I don't even care because what am I supposed to do. what am I supposed to do. what the **** am I supposed to do. my voice endlessly plays in my head. I am 21. I just can't listen to myself anymore I hate myself.

I just replay things over and over...I now totally lose my **** twice a day by babbling and walking in circles because my brain ****ing gives up and WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. I have an apartment a car and two kittens and all my bills are paid....I have a boyfriend who loves me and my family is great.

but there is like this demon in me. I don't mean to sound cheesy. I am a person who is not afraid of a single thing in the world except for this thing. it's evil. I am like a rabid animal I have no nails left and I've started on my skin.
I was pinching and pulling but now I'm cutting it.

like please don't repeat anything I said I don't want to see it and nobody knows any of these things about me. but since I was like 8 I just can't stop walking in circles...and checking every switch and door and moving everything two inches over and then back again and then back once again

i only sleep like 3 hours once every few days. I can't eat anymore and now I've lost 50 pounds because I literally just have no interest in eating anymore and I am way too busy thinking.

please what do i do is this just the disease? it will be okay right? nothing makes me feel better nobody and no amount of Zoloft and Xanax works...the only way I get a break is by finally passing out after a few days...

I am so tired. I haven't even had a logical thought in months. I have no friends left because i cannot leave my house it's too hard.

I know that everybody has hard times and bad days and i know a random girl typing a bunch of run on sentences isn't exactly a perfect situation for empathy, but please understand this is really bad. I used to be the best person I'd ever known, and now I am so scared of myself. I am not afraid of anything. I am so scared I hope everything will be okay

That terrible. You're just one of the many people suffering from sevear OCD. Losing that much sleep is very very bad. In you're situation, it would be best to just take a load of sleeping pills (enough that's not od of course..)

I have no idea what to tell you. Has it gotten worse as you've gotten older? For me it was worse when I was a kid except I have no GAD.