[NotBrittle]

I have been dealing with intrusive POCD thoughts for a while. I was doing pretty well, as I've been seeing a therapist and I came to accept that I'm not what I fear, and that it's only anxiety causing the thoughts and physical responses.

However, as most people here probably know, OCD will latch on to what you fear most. Lately, my POCD thoughts have started to impact me again, and cause me severe anxiety.

My greatest fear has been that I'm really a pedophile and that I'm "denying it." I used to watch a lot of crime shows, and so whatever part of my brain that's generating my intrusive thoughts has a lot of inspiration. My brain has this idea of, "how sick people think," and so of course, whatever sick thoughts my brain assumes sick people will have, will pop into my head so that I'm having them.

(Note: I know that thoughts alone don't make people sick, and so I'm not suggesting there are any thoughts that, by themselves, make people "sick." I'm just describing my thought process when I'm having a hard time and can't think rationally).

An example is: "Sick people try to justify being sick." I am always so terrified that I'll "turn into" a pedophile, and that I will try and "justify my sickness." So of course the very thoughts I'm trying to avoid will pop into my head, such as, "society says it's wrong, but..."

My intrusive thought, when it comes in the form of that sentence, is rarely finished, because I usually shout at myself mentally saying, "SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP." Or "THANKS FOR SHARING BRAIN."

The "Thanks for sharing brain" is a technique I read about on another forum. The idea is to not freak out at yourself over the thoughts, because if you do you will only fuel them, but to have a neutral response, like, "thanks for sharing!" The problem is, my usage of this technique has sort of backfired... Now any time anything remotely sexual pops into my head I find myself mentally chanting "thanks for sharing brain, thanks for sharing brain, thanks for sharing brain," blocking any possible intrusive thoughts that could appear, and causing myself immense anxiety. This has become so habitual that I do it automatically in irritating situations.

This entire thing is really starting to get to me. Please... advice? Tell me I'm not a sick freak?

[Travelinglady]

I wouldn't call you a "sick freak." Do talk to your therapist about this newer situation, though.