[InvisibleAlbatross]

I touched on this in my other threads, but the attacks are hitting me right now, so I think a new thread is in order.

A friend of mine is in dire financial straits. She has asked me for help. I am not rich, but I have more than she does at this point. I have helped several times, and it stresses me out. I am never wanting for money, but the money I share is money I could be saving for my future.

At the same time, I think that if I do not help, she will be in trouble or forced to do something truly distasteful to raise the needed funds. And no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot NOT help. I know why she needs the money and it is legitimate.

Disclosure: I am attracted to this friend. She knows and that option is off the table. I think I am ok with that. She is a good person and she provides emotional support whenever I need it. That is often invaluable.

But at the same time I MUST help, I also get the thoughts that I am "only helping to get into her pants."

It's an OCD double whammy.

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

i'm sorry . maybe you could talk to her about how you worry about her and would like to see her standing on her own two feet? it's the only thing I can think of.

[InvisibleAlbatross]

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

i'm sorry . maybe you could talk to her about how you worry about her and would like to see her standing on her own two feet? it's the only thing I can think of.

I guess I kinda tried to do this last night. I did help her, but I also asked her what she would do if I am not willing or able to help anymore. She said she would understand, but honestly she would have trouble and nobody to turn to. She then asked if that is my decision, and I replied that I don't know right now. She is trying to find a better job, so I do give her credit for that.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I often have your way of thinking; it drives me crazy. I wouldn't say I'm in any way a push-over as a result, I'm just a KIND person, to those that seem worth the kindness.

My best mate, some years ago, would pay things (like bus/fuel expenses, when I went to see him, and even food when I stayed) for me, because I couldn't, as I didn't have an income. Anywho, once I started getting an income, I kinda put all that guilt I had for him being such a good friend, and I sorta, ... well, ... bought him a lot. >.< I must've given him a few hundred quid, for things likes games, bus journeys, food, and computer hardware, over the last few years. I did finally stop, when I realised that I had paid him back ages ago. Luckily, he's my best mate for a reason, and as it stands, I don't regret giving him all that stuff, and I do once in a while treat him, but not because I feel an compulsive need to repay him, but because he's my brother and he deserves it, even if he is a pain in the arse, sometimes. xD

Thing is, I usually only spend money on people who're family, or very, very good friends. Be careful, though, ... can be very easy for someone to take advantage of your kindness, so make sure you're being generous to the right person. No harm in being nice in this world, but arseholes don't deserve niceties, IMO.