[Victoria'smom]

My son is 11 and has suffered with both of these issues. We've done everything we can think of including medication to help him. As he getting older he gets more embarrassed. He finally allowed us to cut his hair, after a year. He confessed that it's because his head was so cut up. When we started to cut his hair, because he was to embarrassed to go to a barber, we quickly realized that his hair was to thin in places to cut it properly so we stopped.

We went to a barber that made it not a big deal and did a great job. We have had very bad experiences and bad hair cuts to hide the pick marks and make the thinning spots less noticeable. He is very comfortable with this barber and will be using him monthly.

He's already very embarrassed to the point he's starting to isolate himself. He's very scared that puberty is going to heighten his picking. I can teach him how to hide his marks with condenser but is it really appropriate? I think I'd feel less guilty teaching him that if he was female

How do I get him through puberty? Is it wrong to teach him how to counsel them? What can I do to help him? We've tried so many things that now we just give him hand motions to inform him that he is doing it.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I started experiencing skin picking when I was in my early teens - and I wish someone had taken the time to show me how to use concealer to hide the marks. Of course, my Mom never really taught me about makeup at all. It's not a solution, by any means, but as you're working on learning not to pick, it does help to be able to not feel so embarrassed. My brother was 3 years younger than me and suffered with severe acne (he didn't pick at his skin, just had to deal with the acne) and by then, I'd figured out how to apply concealer. I taught my brother, and he appreciated it. He didn't use it often, but when his acne was really bad or he had a special event to go to, he would use it. I don't think there's anything wrong with a teenage boy using concealer if it helps them to feel less embarrassed.

On the subject of actually stopping the skin picking, what I found most helpful for me was a combination of getting my anxiety under control through medication and learning to be aware of the skin picking through DBT skills. I've learned what my triggers are, what I can do instead of picking, and even how to stop myself once I start. I've been dealing with this for over 20 years now and it's become both habit and compulsion. There are days where I simply can't stop myself from picking, but I've had quite a bit of relief from it in the past year.

I think the hardest thing is dealing with the shame and embarrassment. My parents always made a big deal of it when I was a kid - tried to tell me to "just stop it," and never understood that I couldn't just stop. It was especially hard at school, when kids would ask me what had happened to my skin. It's still hard to answer that question, as adults are just as likely to ask as kids were. So, talk to your son about it - about how it's not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and about how you understand how hard it is to stop. Talk to him about what he can say or do when people ask him about it...would he feel most comfortable walking away, brushing it off with an "oh nothing, just a scratch," making up a story, or trying to explain about dermatillomania. When I was a kid, I either made stuff up or tried to brush off inquiries. As I got older, I just shut down. Now, I try to gently explain that the person is being rather rude in asking and that it's a compulsive behavior that stems from anxiety.

[Grey Matter]

I started skin picking when I was a child. Around the time my OCD was diagnosed. And growing up with it, it becomes such a thing instilled in the mind and it takes a lot of time and care to, not RID of it because that's setting up a goal that can end badly, but work with it.

I would pick my hands, my arms, my scalp. My mom purchased soothing creams so when I would feel like picking, I'd go for the cream instead. And that helped a lot because I was eight then, I am now 23, and I still go straight for the creams. And it isn't a bad habit, it does ease my anxiety loads.

When I began puberty, I wasn't particularly struck by it. Annoyed mostly, and my mom reminds me I was an anomaly with that. The one thing it did to me was heighten my OCD + Anxiety and Depression (what a mess of hormones). Which then lead to more skin picking, then me ripping out my eyelashes and eyebrows. I was not medicated until I was 18, so a lot of this was dealt with my mom working to make the house a no stress zone. If there was decreased stress, I was less likely to pick, etc. And it not only benefited myself, but my two siblings as well. I think making the home as stress free as possible, or dedicating an area for relaxation, is really important.

As for the concealer question; I don't think it's inappropriate. Makeup is not just used by women. And honestly, if it eases his anxiety any, then I see no harm in it at all.

[Victoria'smom]

So we saw his pdoc Wednesday. Seriqol was added for the picking and anxiety.