crazy poppy lady...

Hi im new here and wanted to talk a little about my thoughts ect.
I feel as though as soon as I learn to control one thought and let it just be that, a new one comes along to live in my brain.
I seem to have gotten the accidently killing myself by throwing myself in front of a bus under control, but the newest one Is really stupid and its annoying me that I cant just dismiss it. Im convinced that most things I eat or drink have some kind of drug in them... so ill be smoking a cigarette (bad habbit I know) and suddenly I think im smoking cannabis, I can smell it, taste it, and then I start to panic, same with my iron tablets, convinced that its something else, start to feel the effects ect. It sounds so ridiculous.
the other day I was talking to my partner about the lovely poppys growing in our garden, and he started talking about opium tea from poppys and that started a massive panic, i felt as though... I cant even explain It... I began to think about accidently bringing the seeds into the house, they'd somehow end up in food or drinks, and that id be high on opium, even writing this makes me feel stupid, anyway I ended up pulling up all the poppys, sweeping the garden for an hour or so until I felt like it was all gone, cleaned and hoovered the whole house, and then scrubbed at myself for a while. Then later I kept thinking about the poppys that were in our bin, and what if the seeds blew out ect ect, so then I ended up putting them in our neighbour's bin. So yeah, my parner has been calling me crazy poppy lady now, what is wrong with me, why cant I just accept that its ridiculous, and that wouldnt even work, and why am I getting some sort of placebo effect? Anyone have similar stories to share with crazy poppy lady?

hi crazy poppy lady
our mental illness really isn't funny...the way these thought control us. I was just telling t this morning that things will never be ok. she tries to assure me but she isn't mentally ill so she will never understand. I know my thoughts are ridiculous but that doesn't make them any less powerful over me. im agoraphobic and when I try to leave the house, I am convinced if I open the door, the light beams will evaporate me into a cloud of dust. I even think the door handle will burn me. I know these things wont happen but it sure feels real and keeps me from opening that door. so know you are not alone. take care.