[Angel of Bedlam]

So I was previously diagnosed as having BPD and PTSD, and my shrink met with me last week and told me that I also have OCD. I was surprised by this. I don't think I have rituals that are invasive and to me, it seemed odd this wasn't diagnosed before.

I think the reason for my seemingly OCD behavior as of late is my need for structure, order, schedules, and sanitation. I went through a 2 year period that was... Well, it was basically just insane. Drinking, self-harm, drugs, just chaos. I came out of this a year ago and since then, I have completely evolved. Things are always done at the same time and all follow a schedule, everything has it's place, and everything is always clean.

I have to do these things and have this order or my fear is falling back into that chaos and misery. When I try and sit down and relax when things aren't done, I can't do it. It makes me so uncomfortable that there is absolutely nothing relaxing about taking a night off from cleaning. If I mess something up, it puts me on edge and I feel like a total failure.

Are these OCD traits or just a different kind of flare up from the BPD and PTSD?

Thanks for listening.

[kaliope]

I think it makes sense. not being able to relax unless things are in order is kind of invasive to life. take care.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Thanks. It's hard for me because I almost feel like I replaced some of my BPD behavior with some of these apparently OCD traits rather than fixing it.