[coyotee]

I am about to make a big move. My husband has a great new job, things are looking so much better for us. I should be happy. And I mostly am. We are moving to a semi-rural-ish area hundreds of miles away from family. There will be times he will be out of state for his job and won't come home for a night or two, which leaves me alone with our toddler.

We are still months away from this big move but I'm already terrifying myself.

I'm so afraid of intruders and

Possible trigger:

and rapists and kidnappers and murderers

This was such a big problem for me before but I've gotten it almost completely under control. Now I just sense that I will lose that control.

The occasional Xanax has been a really helpful treatment for me to calm down when my OCD takes over and I find myself in a strenuous state of unrelenting time-consuming compulsion, but I don't think I'm going to want to medicate myself to calm down when I'm alone in this scenario. I feel like I will have to be alert and guarded which is going to take me back to old patterns of staying awake all night while constantly creating dangerous what-if scenarios in my head, just staring at the locks and devising plans and checking each room to make sure no one is there.

Luckily, we have a lot of time so maybe we can find an affordable area that feels comfortable enough (Unluckily at the same time, I'm probably going to be spending WAY too much time comparing and contrasting those different areas) Since I'm already obsessing though, since the mind is already making stuff up, I don't think at this point I would even feel safe moving into Fort Knox.