[Boatie McBoatface]

Hi, all. I'm a 41 year old male that's on 30 mg of Prozac for anxiety and 50 mg of Seroquel for obsessive thoughts.

My biggest issue lately is having sexual thoughts about my female friends. I usually keep them quelled up inside and I've even made a passworded file on my iPhone to write them down in to get them rattling around my head. On Monday I was texting with a friend of mine (who I thought was a friend, I guess) and I she was giving me a pep talk about going after the things in life I desire. I told her I couldn't because I desire her and she's already said no, so technically if I did it would be....(and I can't even type the word).


I don’t have r--- fantasies. I think it’s abhorrent and I would never do anything like this in a million years. That’s not why I’m posting this. I don’t know why I texted it to her and I wish I could take it back a million times.

Her reaction was completely…I don’t even know what to say. She totally flipped out. She told me my preoccupation with sex wasn’t healthy and said I should get a therapist. I told her I have one. I told her I struggle with this and I’m doing my best. She replied:

“You don’t respect yourself. You don’t respect other people. You live a charmed life. You need to get a life and meet other people. You have no clue. Get a clue. You’re immature. You’re 41. Grow up. Have you ever wondered why people don’t ask you to do things? I’m done wasting my time on you. I’m blocking you so you can’t text me again. Don’t ever contact me again. !@#$ off.”

I should mention that other people have told me she’s rude and unkind, and I know she once spent a night in jail for assaulting her ex-husband.

I’ve been suffering under huge amounts of guilt and shame for the message I sent her. I didn’t mean it, and I was in a fit of depression when I did because I had just seen my therapist and was struggling about how OCD and anxiety has affected my life. I spent the night in tears. I’m only just now starting to feel better about it, and this is four days later. I deleted/blocked her from my phone, but part of the problem is we both belong to the same gym, and I know I’m going to face her eventually. I’m really scared that she’ll cause a scene and tell people that I have r--- fantasies, or that my parents (especially my mother, who can’t handle any discussion of sex at all) will learn that so many of my obsessive thoughts are sexual.

Can anyone offer me any advice about this? I know that I’m a good person at heart, but I really struggle with this, and how a “good person” wouldn’t have these kinds of thoughts. Should I be glad that she’s out of my life?

Thanks for reading,
Boatie

[Skeezyks]

Hello Bostie: I'm sorry you are having this difficulty. I don't know that I have any particularly useful advice for you. Yes, this was a most unfortunate incident. But, then, your supposed friend's reaction was really over-the-top too I think. Now she no longer has you for a friend & you don't have her. So all are punished here.

I'm not very skilled when it comes to handling interpersonal conflict. I'm a pretty-much completely solitary old man. My inclination in a situation like this would be, if you see her at the gym, just do what you can to avoid her. My perspective would be that nothing positive is likely to come out of trying to apologize once again or explain once again why it is you do this sort of thing. The more you struggle to make this right, the more entangled you are likely to become. At least this is the way I see it. If she tries to accost you & make a scene calmly tell her you regret what you did & you have apologized, that's all you can do. Then just walk away. This becomes a matter of boundaries. Yes you did something inappropriate & unfortunate. You recognize that. But this does not give this woman carte blanche to beat you up at every opportunity.

You know, I imagine that we all have thoughts we're not particularly proud of or comfortable with. I certainly have more than my share. When they arise, I strive to accept them with lovingkindness & compassion. They are like misshapen little trolls. But they have no power over me beyond what I cede them. The important thing is that you recognize your thoughts for what they are & you're working on them. What more can one expect? I wish you well...

[Boatie McBoatface]

Hey Skeezy. I replied yesterday but I'm new to the forums and I guess I didn't post it properly. Thanks for your suggestions and your encouragement. I know I screwed up really badly with this woman but her reaction was so totally over the top I wasn't sure what to do. I think you're right about what to do if I see her again: "I'm sorry for what I said, I'd take it back if I could, and I hope one day you'll forgive me one day" and then just walk away. At that point if she makes a scene it's on her.

I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning and I'm freaked out about coming across her. But I have to bite the bullet on this, I guess.