[Swaggyfishsticks]

I might kill myself, because i feel that i'm too sick to live and have done too much damage. I fear that i may be attracted to children, and can't cope. I one time fantasized about doing things to a kid while... relieving stress. I'm sorry. I really am. There's no redemption for something like that. I've never molested a child, and swore to myself that i would never do something so evil and life destroying. But what i did was Still insanely evil. I only realized today how evil i was, and can't stop shaking and crying. Do you think i deserve to ever be happy? I don't. I don't know if i should live anymore. Advice?

[Swaggyfishsticks]

Hello? Anyone?

[Swaggyfishsticks]

I'm sorry if i seemed too unstable, but i need help

[Ht32]

Originally Posted by Swaggyfishsticks

I'm sorry if i seemed too unstable, but i need help

I would talk to a therapist and see if they can talk you through your feelings that you are having and maybe just relieving some of your feelings it is a good thing that you haven't acted on your impulses. I hope you find the help you are needing to get through this.

[Crazy Hitch]

Stay away from children and see a therapist about this to work your way through these issues.

[Swaggyfishsticks]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Stay away from children and see a therapist about this to work your way through these issues.

Yeah, i definitely will. I think it's kind of an anxiety issue, im not actually sexually attracted to them, but i freak out about the idea that i could be like that i guess

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Swaggyfishsticks

Hello? Anyone?

welcome

just a thought here your original post has an intention of doing something that isnt usually allowed on this site so maybe others reading your post are staying away from your post so as to not violate the rules of the site http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...resources.html

and another reason some may not be responding could be because they too may be in this same frame of mind and are protecting their self from going down the wrong road for them.

there is a depression forum here Depression - Forums at Psych Central
where most people discuss their ......feelings with being depressed.

[-jimi-]

If it is not an ongoing thing, if you had a bad fantasy like once while masturbating, I would think it's your guilt acting up now. People masturbate to really twisted fantasies sometimes and that is normal, it's nothing they would want for real life.

If it is something you'd absolutely not want in real life, under any circumstances, I think you should move on with your life.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Swaggyfishsticks

Yeah, i definitely will. I think it's kind of an anxiety issue, im not actually sexually attracted to them, but i freak out about the idea that i could be like that i guess

That sounds like OCD. Definitely talk with a therapist to get a clear understanding of what's going on.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi SwaggyFishSticks,

Your post is open and honest.
You are asking for help.
Your anxiety is sky-high.
Your guilt level is also over the top.

You deserve to live.
You deserve to live a happy and a fulfilling life.

Take a few minutes to breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly, calming your nervous system a bit.

What helps when you are feeling very anxious?
What helps when you may be fixated on something you fear?

Sometimes, I find it helpful to redirect my attention to a different topic or a totally different setting and/or activity. I distract myself from topics of anxiety and/or fear if they become too overwhelming.

There is a huge difference between fantasy and reality. You have written about your fantasy world. Please do process this with your therapist and/or pdoc, as it's tearing you apart inside.

(If by any chance you have participated in carrying out your fantasy with a child, please also process this with your therapist/pdoc. It's very important to follow through on this. I do not think you have carried out this fantasy with a child; I am just leaving room for this incase this has happened.)

You deserve to live. You deserve to get some help with this and with anything else which might be troubling you.

I have talked with many people who feel they are "evil" because of their fantasy or fantasies. No. People are not evil based upon fantasies. Many people experience fantasies they judge as "evil" and they also feel they are "evil" for having experienced the fantasy. It's just not true. People are not evil based upon their fantasies. You are not "evil" simply because you had a fantasy.

A well-trained, insightful mental health provider will be able to help you to understand your fantasy or fantasies. Fantasies are not always about what they appear to be about on the surface. It's often a bit of a surprise and a relief once someone processes their troubling fantasies and realizes the elements in the fantasy which were not so apparent prior to gaining further insight with the help of an insightful professional.

I think and feel you will gain a tremendous amount of relief if/when you process this and other fantasy material with your mental health provider.

Stay safe. If you feel any compulsion to act on your fantasy with a child, do not do so. Call your therapist/pdoc immediately. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the ideas or a compulsion, please also look for immediate help.

If you continue to feel like harming yourself, please also keep yourself safe.
Contact your therapist/pdoc and/or emergency services.

Do you have a plan in place, should you need immediate help sometime?

Can you call friends/family if you need help?

What's available for emergency services in your area?

Do people call a crisis center or report to the local emergency room?

If you need emergency help and you cannot get to a crisis center or an emergency room, please call 9-1-1 and tell them you need immediate assistance.

I am hoping you are able to calm yourself and will contact your therapist/pdoc for any additional assistance, if needed. If you are unable to calm yourself, please contact them and keep yourself safe by following their instructions and/or immediately contacting emergency services.

Save yourself, you are worth saving!

I am glad you have reached out. It must have been very difficult to do so, especially when judging yourself so harshly.

If I had written the initial post and was in distress, I am sure you'd extend some compassion to me. Please extend compassion to yourself, friend.
Take excellent care of YOU!

Please let us know how you are doing?

In Support of You and Your Welfare,
WC

[-jimi-]

How are things going?

You might think that you must have something terribly wrong with you that is outside anxiety and depression. But something that sort of needs to be said is that those names are quite bad. People think... oh the feeling of anxious, the feeling of being a bit down... we all have that. I wish anxiety and depression would have "real names", so everyone would understand they are real conditions, they are not just everyday type feelings.

Anxiety can take so many shapes and forms. It can be really hard to deal with. I hate anxiety more than I hate anything.