[ohjustchillin]

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I've been noticing some things that I do and think aren't "normal"
If it's at all relevant, I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. I don't know if maybe some of these are just symptoms of that. I made a list. I make a lot of lists.

- I have to pray the exact same,long, word for word prayer every night before bed or something bad will happen. Sometimes I have to repeat parts of it or all of it.
- Excessive hand washing and sanitizer use. Drying hands with normal towel=not really clean.
- I count a lot while walking etc.
- I'll get stuck on a sound when counting or talking to myself and have to repeat it until I'm satisfied or force myself to stop
- If I miss a part of a song I feel the need to make the sound before I can move on. Like if I miss the first part of the word because I missed the start of the song or something.
- I rock back and forth sometimes when I'm sitting and watching tv or something
- I have to put the cursor on my laptop in a specific place when watching a show or I can't focus.
- I have to check and make sure that every dish/silverware I use is spotless.
- I never take the first item when shopping or picking a paper plate and such. I pick one that hasn't been touched or exposed as much.
- Wires can't be touching anything including other wires and nothing can be touching the heater on the wall. Unless they aren't plugged in of course.
- Shaking out shoes and clothes before I put them on just in case there are bugs or something in them. Including my pillows every night.
- I make a lot of lists and plan out my entire day tomorrow every night.
- Shake out my pillows every night before bed and checking under my blanket for bugs etc.
- I have to turn on the same episode of the same show every night before bed. It alternates between months of bobs burgers and futurama. Probably started because me and my little sister used to fall asleep to vhs tapes of movies every night when we shared a room. (I'm now 20, that was in 4th-9th grade.) Usually princess diaries every night.
- Compulsively cracking knuckles etc. it feels like I have to, even though my knuckles are left sore and hurting from doing it so often. I also crack my ankles, back, wrists, knees, and shoulders.
- I have a collection of over 200 books and I refuse to get rid of even the ones I know I'll never read.
- Even though my room is a mess, everything has its place. Especially on the bookshelf next to my bed. But it very messy.
- Must have blanket tucked securely over the back of my head to feel secure enough to sleep.
- Meticulously set multiple alarms for the morning and check that the volume is up over and over until I'm satisfied.


I know no one here can diagnose me, I just want to get a better idea of what I might be dealing with and whether it's worth discussing with my psychiatrist.

[-jimi-]

In general it goes something like this, especially behaviors you somehow would wish to be without (even if you might not be able to imaging life without them), and you get a gnawing anxiety when you go against the compulsion, strongly point at OCD if they cause you discomfort, steals focus, time and energy.

If you make a list because you feel you need a list or it makes it easier somehow, that would not be OCD, but it is not uncommon to have other "rigid" behaviors mixed in with "real" OCD.

If this causes you problems and/or the problems are getting more and more, then absolutely worth having a chat with the doctor, IMO.