[CharcoalGray]

Hi Everyone. This is very personal and embarrassing for me so please take it seriously. I have what I call my "word problem." It involves my saying or hearing often benign words (and also obvious words) that my mind makes sexual double entendres or sexual innuendos about. It has absolutely nothing to do with who I am talking to in particular.

Two pdocs have said this is a personalized form of OCD.

This "word problem" makes me panic, stumble over my words, fidget, lose eye contact, and contributes greatly to my severe social phobia and panic. I have had it since my late teens and I am now in my mid forties. I have seen 5 psychotherapists over 15 years and told them all about it and no one was ever able to help me with it.

Can anyone relate at all to this problem of mine? Any advice?

Thanks so much!

[*Laurie*]

Hi, what You've described sounds like a pretty typical OCD issue. I'm sorry your doctors didn't help you...seems like OCD is really difficult to treat.

All I can think of is using an image to replace the unwanted thoughts exactly as they come up. For example, you hear a benign word and before your mind has the chance to act on the OCD behavior, imagine a stop sign. See it in your mind...red and white, and a big STOP.

Mindfulness meditation could also be really helpful for you. The Skeezyks here on PC has a good link to mindfulness information. As soon as I 'see' him I will ask him to post his link on this thread.

[Skeezyks]

Hello CharcoalGray: Welcome to PsychCentral! I can't say that I have experienced anything exactly as you describe. However I have struggled for many years with intrusive thoughts as well as what I will call "compulsions". (I'll spare you the details.) I've seen a few therapists for brief periods over the years. But I never really got into any of this with any of them... not that I think it would have done much good anyway.

In an effort to allay my intrusive thoughts, I employ a Buddhist practice called "compassionate abiding". This involves simply allowing the intrusive thought to come forward... breathing into it... perhaps even smiling to it. Sometimes I will even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for it. After a few breaths, I then drop the "story line" (whatever is actually occurring at the time) & simply continue to stay with the underlying emotion... be it fear, anxiety, grief or whatever allowing it to fade at its own pace.

Two things happen when we employ this practice. First, very gradually over time, the strength & frequency of intrusive thoughts wanes. But second, & perhaps more important, is that we learn we can stay with difficult thoughts & emotions without losing our balance... our equanimity. Here is a link to that mental-health-oriented description of the practice of compassionate abiding *Laurie* referred to:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit.

By the way, compassionate abiding is one part of a larger ancient Tibetan Buddhist practice called: "Lojong" which translates as "mind training". If you're interested in learning more about this practice, I highly recommend the books of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön... in particular: Start Where You Are- A Guide to Compassionate Living .

[Yours_Truly]

(((((Charcoal Gray))))))

[CharcoalGray]

Thanks so much to everyone for your kind words, thoughts and advice. Skeezyks, I will start practicing "compassionate abiding." I will also buy the book by Pema Chodron. Thanks again!!!

[CharcoalGray]

Hi again. I should have added that what causes a great deal of anxiety and panic is the fear of someone noticing or picking up on this problem I have. When that happens, I feel so ashamed and humiliated! I just want to get out of the situation when I notice that the "word association" problem is occurring in my mind, even if the other person doesn't notice it.

If anyone ever reads this and can relate somehow, please respond to this thread. Even if you just have an OCD problem with words in some way (nonsexual). It would make me feel less alone. Thanks!!!!

Disorders: Severe social phobia, panic disorder, GAD, OCD, and Depression.

Meds: Paxil, Klonopin, Buspar, Saphris, and Trazodone for sleep.

[*Laurie*]

My husband has OCD, it's quite severe. Part of his disorder is the fear that 'someone will notice' his OCD behaviors, and he will feel ashamed and humiliated.

It is common for people who battle with OCD to feel afraid of being 'discovered.'

[user12345]

Hi CharcoalGray, I have the exact same problem with double entendres. I pause on even benign words like you described as well. Stress from work and personal life combined triggered this kind of OCD for me last year. Before that I struggled with social anxiety and difficulty making eye contact. Some things that have helped me so far:
- I'm taking a mixture of buspar (30mg) and lexapro (5mg)
- I have been working on using exposure & response prevention therapy where I allow myself to have the fear and even welcome the intrusive thoughts. I read that when you fight OCD thoughts or take corrective action (be it thoughts or physical compulsion) it only makes it worse
- I have been practicing "mindfulness" meditation techniques so that I can keep myself calm so I don't get to the heightened state where I experience OCD
- Finding ways to reduce stress and increase positivity overall