over zealous

I realise this is being obsessively compulsive. it's a symptom of my great Anxiety. Behaving this way has become a coping mechanism.

In an effort to avoid something going wrong - which I am convinced will happen unless I doing everything right - I am a meticulous planner. I've been called overzealous, over the top, over demanding, ridiculous. I agree with this. I see their point. I can't help it. This is what I do.

I meticulously plan and organise down to every detail. I make up To-Do lists, charts, and spreadsheets. Above all, I get a start on executing the plan early; very early.

So now I am sitting here two weeks out from a move and everything has been done down to the finest detail. I am living out of already packed boxes and sleeping on the couch as I already had my mattress hauled to the dump. All is done, now is the waiting game. Even the deep cleaning is complete.

I realise this is ridiculous. I should still be sleeping on a bed for goodness sake.

But I want - no I need everything to be just right.

And it hasn't stopped here. Now begins the superstitious routine behaviours. Putting my right sock on before the left. Touching every door handle before I sleep. Counting the stairs. All this in an effort to prevent anything major going wrong.

I suppose I haven't written for answers. I just needed to share. THIS IS WHO I AM and I don't like it.