[AngshusGirl]

Hey everyone,

I guess this is an introduction of sorts since I am new here. But I suffer from multiple forms of OCD, including Relationship OCD, Harm OCD, Scrupulosity OCD, and the first and last I think contributed heavily to the downfall of my relationship..

To give some backstory, I have been experiencing the worst major episodes of panic in my life recently to the point that I think I am losing my mind / will die if anything else goes wrong.. I think that they began as a result of being overwhelmed by the OCD playing out at work and in the relationship, having had to have moved back in with a narc. mom, and finding out that I have codependency issues (which I think combined with the OCD may have made a toxic mix) so I have been having episodes where I get mind fog where I can't remember at all what I was going to say and my body wants to shut down from how anxious I am.

So last night we were discussing how we have different expectations for each other that can't be met and I agreed with her. At this point I was anxious just talking over the phone with her, with my body wanting to shut down and my mind drawing blanks, and she said that we should take a break and was very emotional. I agreed but with almost no emotion being expressed over the phone, which I think was from being so tired of the anxiety that it felt like it would be a relied? I feel terrible about this and how I should have been able to express emotion during a time like that. She said that it hurt that my need to not be anxious didn't outweigh my fear of losing her, and she was obviously hurting. And I feel awful about the next part but because of my struggle with coming to terms with being codependent and my relationship/scrupulosity OCD (I think) I couldn't stop thinking about how my codependency may be the only / biggest reason I am with her and I wasn't able to defend myself.. And since I wasn't able to defend myself she was very hurt and hung up.

On top of all of this, having discovered that I am codependent has made me second-guess whether I wasn't expecting too much from her and also has made me wonder whether my boundaries weren't high enough.

Looking for support please. I'm sorry if this was confusing.

[Rive1976]

I to geel like my Ocd ruined my marriage. Its hard when our Ocd themes take over.