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#1
Here's the scoop, I've had previous OCD events thought out the years, mostly bad ones about sexual Orientation but I recovered. However; most recently I had some struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts. My son was born in February and everything was fine. Im happy and I love him.
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I see a therapist, and might seek a specialist. But I also need help outside of that. What's why I'm here. I want to be free of this suffering. Last edited by atisketatasket; May 15, 2019 at 12:09 PM.. Reason: Added triggers |
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Anonymous44076, Skeezyks
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#2
I don't know as there is much I can offer with regard to this other than to say that, as you've probably heard dozens of times, thoughts are just thoughts. We all have them. The difference between a person who has OCD & a person who does not is, to my mind, that the person who does not simply is able to let unwanted thoughts go. But a person who has OCD cannot. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, that touches upon this perspective:
%post_title I also believe that the amount of sex-related information & violence we're bombarded with everyday from every direction means that we're exposed to this sort of thing constantly... in TV programs, in the news, etc. I'm an older person myself. And, back when I was young, there was no internet. And TV programs, movies etc. were much more tightly censored. So one just wasn't exposed to all of the sex-related content we're exposed to today. And, as a result, thoughts of the sort you're struggling with came up less frequently if at all. So I guess what I would like to suggest is that in spite of the thoughts you had, you're not a monster. You're simply struggling with the effects of having OCD to begin with, along with the impact all of the sex-related content has on all of us day-in & day-out as a result of living in the modern world. My best wishes to you. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Anonymous44076
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GSC2019
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#3
Hello GSC2019
sorry you are struggling. Sounds like you shared with your wife and are seeking therapy. That sounds like a wise way to start letting the anxiety go so you can heal and move forward. Back when I did therapy, my psychologist and I were discussing anxiety and how it can get out of control. For example, I have a dreaded fear of driving a car but to many that probably sounds ridiculous, right? Anyway, the psychologist told me she was working with another client who was overwhelmed by anxiety that she would harm children. She did not mention if this was a fear of sexually harming them or physically or emotionally. Anyway, the client was a woman and had never hurt a child and didn't want to but apparently that's how her anxiety presented. To me, as a non-expert, that sounds like a type of phobia....I wonder if that's what you are struggling with. Does that make any sense to you? I'm terrified of driving a car in case I hurt someone and you are terrified of harming your child. I read a post on PC where someone had a desperate fear of being imprisoned even though they have not committed a crime. It's as though when anxiety gets out of control the brain comes up with the very worst thing to fear (different for each person) and then fixates on it until the person can find ways to manage the anxiety. You mentioned a rough upbringing and not having planned to become a parent. To me, that right there could explain a lot of parental anxiety and doubts. I say definitely keep sharing with your therapist and wife. Avoid any situations with your son which may particularly trigger the fear and anxiety such as bath time...perhaps your wife can take over there? I'm not a psychologist or a doctor so best I can do is offer ideas and wish you well. One thing I do know about thoughts is as soon as you start trying to stop them, you get flooded by them. When my depression is getting bad as soon as I tell myself "i really hope I don't start thinking about ending my life" then all those thoughts pop up - too late! Peace and good health to you, your wife, and your son! |
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GSC2019
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Anonymous44076
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#6
"I have never been sexually abused, thought when I was preteen I was exposed to sexual themes (parental nudity, porn etc) my parents were bad to me. Loads of physical and emotional abuse for several years."
I don't want to negate your truth GSC2019 but it actually sounds like you may have experienced sexual abuse in your childhood. I believe exposing minors to sexual material (such as porn) falls under the definition of sexual abuse....it does not necessarily have to involve sexual touching. There is also new helpful research on covert sexual abuse which you may want to read about....perhaps some of that will resonate with your childhood experiences. I mention this not to add to your anxiety but I have a hunch that the more you explore and understand what went awry in your own childhood, the more likely you are to heal from it. Just a thought for you. |
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Also, you could be helping other PC readers (many read and don't post) with their own anxious cycles by being so candid. I think you should give yourself credit for that. |
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GSC2019
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#10
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I'm a video gamer, I tinker with my car, I love going to the movies and listen to music when driving. Keeping myself busy definitely lessens the load. However, this recent event has been harder to overcome. The anxiety comes and goes and so don't relative thoughts along with it. Some days are better than others. But if I have the thoughts or anything triggering. I end up caught in a ruminating cycle. My wife and I are on the same page all the time. We've been together for 3 years and just had a baby. Everything was great until 30 days ago. Now I'm trying to recover |
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