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Sudokued
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Trig Aug 31, 2020 at 06:38 PM
  #1
Hello, I have been dealing with this problem, I’m pretty worried I might be a Pedophile, I am 16 and shouldn’t really be worrying about this I feel like but sort of keeps eating at me, I’ve never had the desire to touch a kid, and only did after talking to self-identified pedophiles over the internet, which was my worst mistake of all time.

It’s not completely intrusive, but when I see any word related to “pedophilia”, I want to shrive up and die. I can’t tell if I like it or not and it sometimes causes… I wouldn’t say pure anxiety but doubts and confusion. I honestly feel like I dislike it. I’ve purposefully thought about it and started having a reaction to it, it honestly made me feel really bad. It’s like I feel like I’m attracted to kids, but it’s not something I would do or want at all. It’s horrific.

I read this from an article about pOCD and pretty much describes what I’m going through:
“People who suffer from POCD are often quite consumed with the fear that they are attracted to children. An unintended side effect of this fear is that they come to associate children with sex and sexual desire —even though they don’t have this desire. Thus, because of their association with sex, children can become triggers, or cues, for unwanted arousal in those with POCD.”

My main coping mechanism that works usually is just avoiding everything related to pedophilia. I’ve constantly avoided reading articles or watching shows that somehow depicts pedophilia, either explicitly or not. I once blocked words related to pedophilia from my browsers so I couldn’t even look it up.

My main issue is it’s not completely devastating... saying that however, another article said:
“POCD is a type of OCD that can be anything from annoying to devastating for those who have it.”
However, that same article said “Obsessions cause significant anxiety when they occur.”

Again, these thoughts don’t cause *extreme* anxiety, they’re unwanted and somewhat repulsive. I hate them. Is it POCD or Denial? Will I really ever know for sure?

Please help!

Last edited by bluekoi; Sep 01, 2020 at 10:46 AM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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Smile Sep 01, 2020 at 01:06 PM
  #2
Hello Sudokued: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

At the end of your post you asked if what you're experiencing is POCD or if you are in denial. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't offer anything authoritative with regard to what's going on with you. The best way to "get to the bottom", so to speak, of what you're struggling with is to talk through it with a mental health therapist, if that is something you think you could do. For what it's worth, though, my personal non-professional opinion would be that what you are struggling with is related to OCD not pedophilia. (In other words... you're not a pedophile. But you've developed so OCD-like tendencies around the subject of pedophilia, if that makes sense.)

You mentioned you're 16. Being in the midst of your teenage years can be a difficult period (you know... all those hormones surging throughout your body.) And so this may all be simply a combination the normal types of feelings teens experience along with the exposure you've had to self-identified pedophiles on the internet.

Of course, avoidance is often the first choice of people who struggle with various types of OCD. And some things are easier to avoid than others. Avoiding anything related to the idea of pedophilia should, I would think, be one of the easier things to avoid. Avoidance isn't a cure though. I personally have always made it a point to avoid any kind of pornography because I have the feeling I could become hooked pretty easily & I have no interest in going there.

You mentioned a couple of articles you've read on the subject of POCD. If you're up to reading one more short one, here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of POCD that may be instructive:

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Last edited by Skeezyks; Sep 01, 2020 at 01:33 PM..
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annoyedgrunt84, Michael2Wolves
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Default Sep 16, 2020 at 01:27 PM
  #3
Wait, what? What?! There's a Purely-Obsessive form of OCD?

...learn something new every day. Explains a lot of my own mess, now...
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Default Sep 24, 2020 at 07:58 AM
  #4
Pedophilia OCD and POCD are same and as you said you don't get completely intrusive thoughts but people with POCD get unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children. I don't think that you are suffering from POCD you are just afraid of it. I would recommend you to read some good article on POCD so that you can understand what are thoughts and symptoms that people with POCD suffer from.

Here are some of the articles that might help you:- International OCD Foundation | Am I a Monster? An Overview of Common Features, Typical Course, Shame and Treatment of Pedophilia OCD (pOCD)
POCD: Am I a Pedophile? POCD Symptoms and Treatment | NOCD
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