[backtogiality]

I don't want to diagnose, but I think I might have OCD - specifically pure-O. I was abused as a kid. I've always known this would affect me and I've always been pretty obsessive when I worry. But in the past year, especially this month, it's been awful.

In September of last year I started to worry repeatedly that I would hurt a child, even though those worries were extremely irrational and have no basis in reality. It got to the point where I would feel guilty for even noticing a child and couldn't watch shows featuring loads of kids on tv. It was awful, but came and went in waves.

About a month ago, I started to wonder if I might be asexual. I've questioned my sexuality before but have never come to any real conclusions. The first time I said it, I felt great. And then my brain started firing all sorts of thoughts about my orientation at me and I was so afraid for some reason that my orientation was actually different to how I identified. I looked at every single person and questioned if I was attracted to them, and it was horrific. I tried to figure out if I was aroused by anyone, and that was also awful. The first day I had these thoughts there was a physical pit in my stomach, my legs hurt like hell and my heart was beating like crazy. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't take my mind off it - I was physically having to count things around me to try and think about something else.

It's been almost 6 weeks. The anxiety is fading but it's still not gone and I don't know what to do or how to explain it to anyone. It hurts. Does anyone have any advice? I'm getting by alright but I'd be so thankful for any insights you might have.