Maven

I'm going to keep this as short as I can, because there's so much going on, you wouldn't believe it. The back story is at least as bad. First, for those who don't know or remember me, I'm almost 53, I'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and I have severe OCD, panic disorder, and depression. I've had psychiatrists and psychologists for almost 43 years, on meds of many kinds that have both helped and hurt, and the few that did help stopped helping as much, or stopped completely.

The foundation of my boyfriend's house collapsed over two years ago. Long story short, his insurance refused to cover the damage and dropped him, I go visit and feed my cats almost everyday (and so does my boyfriend), neighbors have harassed and even threatened my cats and me, and so much more. People tell me to just leave, but I don't have enough money, I don't get enough Social Security disability to cover my OCD needs, let alone anything else. I can't live just anywhere. My sister doesn't think I should leave, and told me I'm in about as good a situation as someone like me can get. I have no one in real life who supports me. I have no real-life friends. Not that she's supportive (very judgmental), but my sister lives in another state, and neither of us can go to see the other. My cats are all I have! Even if I had friends, my cats are No. 1. I've lost so much over the years because of my bf.

Because of my boyfriend, I've lost many precious things, including (but far from limited to) the last photos of my parents and items from my youth, and now the neighbors are trying to take my cats from me! I understand it's cold, and I welcome help, because I don't want them to freeze, but my boyfriend won't even talk to me about it without snapping, "What do you want me to do about it?"

Healthwise, I'm not doing so well. Urinary urge incontince, bowel issues, and bedwetting, stress me out most of the time. Gunk in my eyes from my dry eye syndrome drives me crazy. I'm gaining more weight. This whole pandemic thing is making everything so much worse. I sleep for hours on end, if I'm lucky enough not to pee on myself.

I'm falling asleep, but I've typed more than I meant to as it is. BTW, I've called the Domestic Violence Hotline, the local women's shelter, mental health organizations, and governments resources, and they all said they couldn't help me because of my OCD issues. I don't have time for more years of therapy before I get out of this situation. I want out NOW!

I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep.

__________________
Maven

unaluna

Thanks for writing. I was wondering how you were doing.

88Butterfly88

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. You are never alone here.

__________________
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

– Helen Keller

Purple,Violet,Blue

I'm really sorry, Maven. That comment by your sister was awful. Of course you deserve to be happy and safe. I am delighted that you've made the decision to get away from this awful man

Maven

Hi, unaluna! I didn't forget you. Most of my social media-ING is on Facebook these days. Still, I get a lot of cruelty there, even in support groups. I sleep a lot. No one believes in me. There's so much I could say, but I'm usually too tired to say it all. Besides, I do my best to explain my OCD and things I'm dealing with, and I'm basically questioned like, "If you can't do this because of your OCD, why can you do that?" A neighbor several weeks ago told me the neighbors are recording me to try to prove I can work because I can feed my cats. I can't be on my feet that long, plus, how many employers going to be OK with me missing and being late to work because I can't get up and get to work on time, plus half hour or more bathroom trips?

__________________
Maven

Maven

Thank you.

__________________
Maven

possum220

Hello again Maven I remember you. I am sorry about the circumstances you are dealing with. It is rotten. Are you living in the place with the broken foundations? No, you are not alone. I think that cats make the best humans because they dont judge us or have expectations of our ability to function. Plus cats are great to snuggle up to when sleeping double especially in winter.

Sleeping makes for a good pass time. It is nice to be able to shut the world out when it feels too much. Hope that your spirits have lifted even if it's just a little from the first time you posted.

TunedOut

Cats need to eat too! They keep dangerous pests away. We now have five and were lucky that our community has a low cost (it was free for a while) program that spays/neuters cats and gives them their rabies shots. We bring most of them in at night because there are a lot of "critters" in our neighborhood that come out at night (the "critters we worry about most are the racoons but did you know that opossums are very unlikely to ever have rabies? The Helpful Opossum | Wildlife Medical Clinic at Illinois We have a lot of those around too! I find them adorable when I see them walking around at night. For me, this is one of those creatures that shows that God had a good sense of humor when he created the universe. So long as the cat population in the neighborhood is stable (that we don't have feral cats having multiple babies), IMO cats wonderful creatures that everyone should appreciate! We are fortunate that at least two of our neighbors, love our cats--one elderly gentleman is trying to get one of them to "adopt" him--I said, something like "go for it". (The cats will ultimately choose where they want to be --the more love they have, the better. ) Another teenage girl brings at least one of our cats into their house to pet her (this cat loves pets from everybody). When we had a dog, cats never came around and I notice that they avoid houses that have dogs. Maybe your crotchety neighbors should adopt a dog!!

I am sorry about your struggles. There are people in this world who don't understand what others have been through! (I am not saying I understand it all because I am not in your shoes but I do understand that we can have issues that are not "seen" on the outside that affect our ability to work.) And even if you could work, some find it hard to get a job--the unemployment rate in this country is quite high. Just keep doing the best you can. Do you have some sort of healthcare so that you could talk to a doctor about your incontinence, eye issue, etc--it sounds like you need to get help with this so that you can do basic things (like taking walks) for your overall health. And you deserve credit for taking care of your cats--their situation might be much worse without you--in many communities, animals that are "turned in" are at risk of being euthanized.