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Old 11-30-2021, 12:19 PM   #1
SprinkL3
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Confused Fear of Contamination & Germs & Viruses OCD

I don't know if I've officially been diagnosed with OCD, but my T said for me to not pay attention to the labels, just to work a little bit at a time - small steps - at desensitizing. I can't do it. I'm terrified.

And now my hands are cracked, etc., from overly washing them.

There's inspections for the sprinklers tomorrow throughout our entire apartment complex, and I'm freaking out because last time they did this - before the pandemic - there were like three or four people in my apartment for almost 30 minutes. All the closets and rooms have to be inspected.

I don't know if they will wear masks or wear them properly. I requested from the landlord for them to wear masks, but they might forget. None of my neighbors wear masks.

So, I packed up my entire apartment in boxes. Literally. I paid over $200 for stupid boxes and bins. That's how bad my fear of contamination has gotten. My apartment now looks like a storage room or like I'm moving out tomorrow. LOL. I plan on unpacking some items 3 hours after they leave, since that is what the data on aerosolized SARS reveal. And because the virus has shown to stay on plastics for up to two weeks, I'll compromise and not unpack the rest of my things for a week. I'm that bad. I hate thinking this way. I hate this pandemic! I hate being afraid all the time. I also hate the hate because I'm afraid of going outside because they attack Asians, or at least the news says there is widespread Asian hate, and I'm disabled physically, so I can't really fight back. I can try, but I'm really crippled enough as it is.

So I'm isolated, too.

I hate my life.

I don't know how to deal with another mental illness. I've never been diagnosed with OCD before, and I never had to deal with all these things until this stupid pandemic hit, and now, for nearly 2 years, I've been isolated in my apartment living life like this.
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Old 11-30-2021, 05:17 PM   #2
Yaowen
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Default Re: Fear of Contamination & Germs & Viruses OCD

I feel for you. When I have to go for groceries, I wear an N95 mask plus vacuum fitting swimming goggles. And nitrile gloves. On my head I wear a stocking cap. When I get home I take off those clothes in a special room while still wearing my mask and googles. I take off my clothes very slowly in case there are virion particles on them and they go in a special hamper to be washed with Lysol laundry sanitizer. These are just SOME of the things I do when I go out. Just some . . . . . to give you an idea.

I am in a high risk group for being hospitalized and losing my life to the SARS-COvid virus. So I don't think being super careful is unwise or abnormal. The 30 trillion or so cells in my human body depend on my brain to keep them all healthy and I think my brain is doing a pretty good job. Of course I have been vaccinated and received my booster shots. Best to you!
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Old 12-01-2021, 07:42 AM   #3
SprinkL3
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Default Re: Fear of Contamination & Germs & Viruses OCD

@Yaowen - I do the same thing, for the most part. However, I struggle with going outside with goggles, but I always wear an N95 mask with a KN95 mask on top, nitrile gloves under cloth gloves for added protection and ease, head covering to protect my hair and ears, beanie to add an extra layer for my head and to keep my goggles in place, long clothing to cover most of my skin, and sometimes very large cloth thingies that I put around my neck to cover my neck and chest area. I usually do this in the early morning, when I get mail and packages from the mailroom and package room, respectively, as well as when I'm dumping trash and picking up contactless door deliveries (since I live in an apartment with shared air space in the hallways.

I don't have an extra room to remove my clothing when I return from outside, but I do shower after I return and carefully remove all layers of clothing. I wash my hands twice since I have to wash my glasses. I then shower. If I feel like I need extra protection, I blow dry my hair, because the heat will help remove pathogens from my hair (as opposed to the wet, which can attract pathogens to the hair).

I'm high-risk, too. My friend (a veteran) passed away, and he was only 49. I'm 47.

I think maybe we are taking extra precautions because of this pandemic, but my T thinks I'm going to overboard and that I'm being irrational. I don't think I am considering that I don't want to get any hospital bills or long-covid, esp. since I already have chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis, and the new variant of concern - Omicron - is said to have fatigue, muscle aches, and different symptoms from the other variants, which suggestions more neurological/brain infections, which I can't have. That would just put me on permanent bedbound status, due to my preexisting conditions. It's not just about preventing death to me - it's also about preventing exacerbating conditions and medical bills.
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