My Picking Diary

FloatThruThis · Mar 01, 2022 at 12:30 PM

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with skin picking yet again. I’m middle aged. I’ve always picked my nails, lips, & random scabs. In my teenage years I also started picking my skin. I’ve been able to stop for short periods of time, but it never lasts.

Luckily, at my job I can wear latex gloves to hide my fingers, but the mask mandate will be ending soon. I’m not looking forward to that, since my picking is out of control right now & I can hide some of the damage with a mask.

So I want to start a picking diary to have a place to keep myself accountable. I’m a book person, so I looked at my local library system for help—77 libraries across 15 counties in my state & there is nothing about dermatillomania.

Okay. I remembered, from one of my many attempts to stop picking my skin, a woman I came across on YouTube: Annette Pasternak, Ph.D. She calls herself the “Stop Picking Coach”. I’m going to watch her videos & make some notes.

Yaowen · Mar 01, 2022 at 01:57 PM

You are a brave and courageous person. I am both inspired by you and rooting for you!

Pinny · Mar 01, 2022 at 02:51 PM

Did you know there is a website called skin pick .com that host free webinars (theres a service you can pay for and the webinars are like trying to get you to pay for the service but they are also really good and really helpful.)
You just have to sign up with your email but I find it really helpful (the webinars). Just incase you didnt know about it.

FloatThruThis · Mar 06, 2022 at 07:44 AM

Hello friends! Thank you Yaowen. Your support is very much appreciated, as usual. Thank you Pinny. I have heard of skinpick.com, but I have not visited in a long time. Your reminder is very helpful to me.

I have been able to pick a little less since I wrote last. I’m watching Annette Pasternak’s videos on YouTube. She has so many, so I’m watching them from oldest to newest & finding them incredibly helpful. Per her suggestion, I’ve started meditating again. I downloaded a free app called smiling mind to remind me daily.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately, which contributes to my picking urges. I do take melatonin before bed, but I may also start to take a magnesium supplement again. I fall asleep fine, but wake in the night and/or early.

All in all, so far, so good.

FloatThruThis · Mar 13, 2022 at 10:16 AM

Hi again. I’ve been having ups & downs with the picking, which is 100% to be expected. I haven’t meditated or watched Annette Pasternak’s YouTube videos the past few days, so once I’m done here, I will do that. The mask mandate ended here yesterday—so no time to lose. I’ve had some success keeping my hands busy with play doh & pulling weeds; all is not lost.

FloatThruThis · Apr 10, 2022 at 10:01 AM

Hello again. Update: I haven’t picked my fingernails lately, but I’m still picking the skin around my fingernails, my lips, & my face. I haven’t meditated since I wrote last & I stopped watching Annette Pasternak’s videos on YouTube. I have an alert on my tablet every afternoon to remind me to meditate, but it’s easy to ignore.

I want to start drawing again though. I’m writing that here because it’s relevant to keep my hands busy & not picking. I like the drawings I make on scratch paper & the backs of envelopes, but never in sketchbooks. Go figure. I’m making a commitment to draw (almost) every day for the rest of this month, even if it’s only for 5 minutes.

FloatThruThis · Apr 17, 2022 at 11:12 AM

Update on my drawing goal: I’ve added watercolor to my drawing goal & managed to do a little something every day this past week, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. I’m not picking my fingernails, but I’m still picking the skin around my fingernails, my lips, & my face. Even so, it doesn’t look too terrible.

FloatThruThis · Apr 24, 2022 at 11:57 AM

Quick update. Successes: still haven’t picked my fingernails & I’ve drawn every day, even if only for five minutes. Still picking lips, face, & skin around fingernails. Although I did have one day I didn’t pick my face at all. Today is my day off. I’ve pulled all the clutter off of the floor of a closet I share with a family member to see what I am able to discard. I mention that here because it keeps my hands & brain busy, plus it may help lessen some anxiety in the long run which fuels my picking urges. Although it is very anxiety-producing in the short term.

*Beth* · Apr 25, 2022 at 06:24 PM

Excoriation is the medical term, I think. Maybe there are books using that term. I have it, too. My life has been extremely stressed lately and my cuticles are literally raw. I'm 59 and in all the decades this time has been the worst. Thank you for your thread.

FloatThruThis · Apr 28, 2022 at 06:09 PM

Hi Beth! Thank you for writing & the tip about searching excoriation on the library database. I’m sorry to hear about your picking too. It’s so painful when it’s your fingers. Mine isn’t the worst it’s been at the moment, but it wouldn’t take much to get back to that place, unfortunately.

FloatThruThis · May 01, 2022 at 11:07 AM

Successes: still not picking my fingernails. I’ve drawn every day, even if only for five minutes. I’ve used a lot of drawing tutorials on Pinterest & I started listening to audiobooks online through my local library while I do it. I managed to scrape together a couple small grocery bags of clutter to discard while going through the closet too, a drop in the bucket.

I also found a bunch of yarn while I was going through the closet. Maybe I will start knitting again to keep my hands & brain busy, I don’t know. I have the next week off & it’s making me nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to get a much needed break, but I’m also apprehensive about being left to my own devices. I’m sure it will be perfectly fine though.

Things I want to work on: not picking my face, lips, & the skin around my fingernails. I have plenty of stuff to keep me gainfully occupied. I will start by brainstorming a list of things I can/will do this week so I have something solid to refer back to when I’m feeling lost. I can do this.

FloatThruThis · May 04, 2022 at 08:00 AM

I’m still not picking my fingernails & I’m still drawing every day, even if only a few minutes. But I’ve been picking the heck out of my face the past couple days. Monday morning I went to the dentist for the first time in 8-ish years & learned not only do I have gum disease, but it’s going to take multiple visits & thousands of dollars to treat.

I’m on vacation this week, so I’m off my usual routine & spending a lot of time at home, which is gross, dirty, & cluttered. I live with my family, so there’s only so much I can do about that. The rest I just have to accept. Let go or be dragged. Do what I can do. I have to call my work today to arrange more time off for the upcoming dental work & call my bank to give them a heads up.

*Beth* · May 04, 2022 at 08:58 PM

I'm so sorry about the dental work you need. The cost of dentistry is ridiculous and there needs to be tighter regulation on that field.

I think knitting is a wonderful idea! When I was doing creative things I wasn't bothering my fingers nearly as much.

FloatThruThis · May 12, 2022 at 01:27 PM

My increased efforts at dental hygiene are putting me in the bathroom in the evening. A place & time I usually avoid due to the increased trigger factor for picking my face. Sometimes just writing about it here helps me be more mindful not to fall into the behavior. So, we’ll see. At least I’m having continued success drawing every day, if even for 5 minutes, & not picking my fingernails. There’s hope yet.

FloatThruThis · May 17, 2022 at 07:31 AM

Updates: I’m at five days in a row now that I haven’t picked my face. I’m trying to replace picking my face with increased efforts at dental hygiene. I’m still picking my lips & the skin around my fingernails, but I haven’t picked my fingernails for at least 37 days now. I’ve also drawn/watercolored/collaged for 37 days in a row now too, even if for five minutes. I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about eventually maybe replacing these picking behaviors with less self destructive behaviors. It’s a marathon, not a sprint though.

FloatThruThis · May 20, 2022 at 06:38 PM

I picked my face a little in my car on my lunch break from work today. I was able to stop myself before too much damage was done. I’ve also tried squeezing a couple spots on my face at night while I was reading in bed, but it wasn’t satisfying. So far, I’ve avoided leaning into the bathroom mirror & picking. That’s usually where the majority of the damage has been done in the past.

I’m still drawing or doodling every day, even if it’s only for two minutes. I’m trying to not focus on the results, but more on building the habit & concentration. Results may come later, if at all. I’m working through some art books I bought years ago and just never followed through on reading & practicing. It’s a challenge.

FloatThruThis · May 24, 2022 at 07:49 AM

I want to see how long I can go pick-free starting now: Tuesday, May 24th, 2022, 5:45am. My picking has lessened since I started this diary. I’m just curious to challenge myself & see how I do.

*Beth* · May 28, 2022 at 08:55 PM

I have never, in all the decades I've been tearing at my cuticles, had them as bad off as they are now.

How's it going for you, Float?

FloatThruThis · May 29, 2022 at 05:34 AM

Hi Beth,

I keep meaning to update this, so thanks for the reminder. I’m doing okay. I have managed to not pick at my fingernails for a while, that’s still going well. I don’t think I’ve picked my face since I wrote here last. I have a new evening routine to replace the picking with increased efforts at dental hygiene instead. I can’t say that I’ve stopped picking my lips, but that has decreased noticeably, to the point my lips are smooth now & not scabby. Yes, the skin around my fingernails & my cuticles are still a literal sore spot. But I’ve definitely made progress in not picking overall. Thank you for asking!

*Beth* · May 29, 2022 at 05:07 PM

It sounds like you're having some good success. That's great!

Do you find that putting lotion on your hands so they're not dry helps with picking your cuticles and skin around your fingernails, or does having softer skin make it easier to pick at?

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Yaowen Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2020 Location: USA Posts: 3,687 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,528 hugs given	Mar 01, 2022 at 01:57 PM #2 You are a brave and courageous person. I am both inspired by you and rooting for you!
	Reply With Quote

Pinny Grand Member Member Since Feb 2022 Location: Scotland Posts: 772 2 768 hugs given	Mar 01, 2022 at 02:51 PM #3 Did you know there is a website called skin pick .com that host free webinars (theres a service you can pay for and the webinars are like trying to get you to pay for the service but they are also really good and really helpful.) You just have to sign up with your email but I find it really helpful (the webinars). Just incase you didnt know about it.
	Reply With Quote

FloatThruThis Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2021 Location: USA Posts: 1,983 2 2,163 hugs given	Apr 17, 2022 at 11:12 AM #7 Update on my drawing goal: I’ve added watercolor to my drawing goal & managed to do a little something every day this past week, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. I’m not picking my fingernails, but I’m still picking the skin around my fingernails, my lips, & my face. Even so, it doesn’t look too terrible.
	Reply With Quote

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 5 23.7k hugs given	Apr 25, 2022 at 06:24 PM #9 Excoriation is the medical term, I think. Maybe there are books using that term. I have it, too. My life has been extremely stressed lately and my cuticles are literally raw. I'm 59 and in all the decades this time has been the worst. Thank you for your thread. __________________
	Reply With Quote

FloatThruThis Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2021 Location: USA Posts: 1,983 2 2,163 hugs given	Apr 28, 2022 at 06:09 PM #10 Hi Beth! Thank you for writing & the tip about searching excoriation on the library database. I’m sorry to hear about your picking too. It’s so painful when it’s your fingers. Mine isn’t the worst it’s been at the moment, but it wouldn’t take much to get back to that place, unfortunately.
	Reply With Quote

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 5 23.7k hugs given	May 04, 2022 at 08:58 PM #13 I'm so sorry about the dental work you need. The cost of dentistry is ridiculous and there needs to be tighter regulation on that field. I think knitting is a wonderful idea! When I was doing creative things I wasn't bothering my fingers nearly as much. __________________
	Reply With Quote

FloatThruThis Grand Poohbah Member Since Dec 2021 Location: USA Posts: 1,983 2 2,163 hugs given	May 24, 2022 at 07:49 AM #17 I want to see how long I can go pick-free starting now: Tuesday, May 24th, 2022, 5:45am. My picking has lessened since I started this diary. I’m just curious to challenge myself & see how I do.
	Reply With Quote

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 5 23.7k hugs given	May 28, 2022 at 08:55 PM #18 I have never, in all the decades I've been tearing at my cuticles, had them as bad off as they are now. How's it going for you, Float? __________________
	Reply With Quote

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 5 23.7k hugs given	May 29, 2022 at 05:07 PM #20 It sounds like you're having some good success. That's great! Do you find that putting lotion on your hands so they're not dry helps with picking your cuticles and skin around your fingernails, or does having softer skin make it easier to pick at? __________________
	Reply With Quote