[Forgettable]

Not sure if anyone will read but I've had it u to my head with ocd. I've been living with it my whole life but it became handicapping since two years and it's getting worse everytime.
I'm gonna try to make it simple and fast, last year

Possible trigger:

I wanted to kil myself

because the mental torture ocd put me throught seemed unbearable. The only reasons I kept going on with life was because of bats, because I loved bats obviously. Because of ocd I dropped out of my art school. With time I had stayed home I used to have a little collection of books about bats and these things were worth more than all gold in the world to me. I had that problem of constantly washing and cleaning things when I felt they were dirty or touched by someone I disliked or touched something I touched after touching something someone I disliked had touched and so on... You get the point. But since I moved to study in another city, once again I dropped out of school and came back home. It's became much worse.
Now I fear that my books may be dirty and I f El like I cannot clean them and that I have to throw them away or else I'm going to associate the characters or animals to the irl people who hurt me while I was at the new school. The worst things is... I'm not even sure my hands were dirty before I touched them. But just in case you know. I don't want to live with anything that may have been in 'contact' with this damn city and this horrible people.
I want to sell my books to buy them again but I also need a new laptop and I'm broke. And I feel like my whole house is contamined.

Making a new thread because I really need help, I already see a therapist in real life but I've had only one appointment so far. And I see him only once a month.
I wish I could not throw away all my belonging that are important to me.
That's it.

[Yaowen]

I am so very sorry that you are bearing such a heavy burden of suffering because of your OCD.

You mention that you have a psychotherapist that you are not able to contact as often as you need.

Are you on any medications for OCD. The reason I ask is because this illness has genetic and biological components that often respond to treatment.

Sometimes it can be helpful to some people to go to a hospital emergency room or emergency department if they are experiencing extreme distress and mental anguish as a result of mental illness.

I don't know if that would be doable for you or helpful but perhaps it is something to consider. I went to a hospital emergency room when my depression became an absolute agony and it helped me.

Hopefully others here with more knowledge, experience and wisdom regarding OCD will see your post and respond kindly and in a really helpful way to your distress.

I suffer a mild form of OCD so I must apologize to you for not being able to be really helpful even though I want to be.

My heart goes out to you. Please lean on us here for moral support during your struggles so you won't be all alone with your OCD and the distress it is causing you.

[Forgettable]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

I am so very sorry that you are bearing such a heavy burden of suffering because of your OCD.

You mention that you have a psychotherapist that you are not able to contact as often as you need.

Are you on any medications for OCD. The reason I ask is because this illness has genetic and biological components that often respond to treatment.

Sometimes it can be helpful to some people to go to a hospital emergency room or emergency department if they are experiencing extreme distress and mental anguish as a result of mental illness.

I don't know if that would be doable for you or helpful but perhaps it is something to consider. I went to a hospital emergency room when my depression became an absolute agony and it helped me.

Hopefully others here with more knowledge, experience and wisdom regarding OCD will see your post and respond kindly and in a really helpful way to your distress.

I suffer a mild form of OCD so I must apologize to you for not being able to be really helpful even though I want to be.

My heart goes out to you. Please lean on us here for moral support during your struggles so you won't be all alone with your OCD and the distress it is causing you.

First if all thank you very much for having take the time to read and thank you very much for your words. Didn't think anyone was going to read or even take the time to reply so thank you.

To answer your question, I am not under medication for the moment, although I've been in the past. It didn't do much but it kinda prevented ocd from getting worse during this period.

I didn't know about ocd having biological components. In fact I think before it became a real problem to me I was very uneducated about it.

As for the hospital, I think you're right that's an option to consider but I also hesitate because I don't know with who I may end up with and/or if the personal would let me have my books and art stuff. These are some if the only things that make me feel like I'm not wasting my time living.. completely. I do think it could help but it scares me a little.

I'm sorry you've suffered depression and still suffer ocd, these things are really hell. I'm not quite sure I can help either but if you need to talk to someone about it, please don't hesitate, I'd listen. Don't apologize, I'm very thankful you took the time to write to me.
My heart goes to you too.

[*Beth*]

Hi, I'm so sorry you're struggling with such a painful disorder. OCD is almost always biological. Many people with it are treated with both medication and therapy. I hope you can speak with a doctor (preferably a psychiatrist) about your OCD. Also, your therapist may have an idea of who can help you with medication. Is it possible for you to have therapy sessions more often?

btw, I think your love for bats is wonderful! They are fascinating animals.