[e_sort]

man, i feel nuts this week.

why you ask? there's some non-zero probability we're going to move to another very far away country next year and wow you can spend all day what-if-ing about that kind of thing. my funding runs out in may and i'll probably need another year to finish my phd and i don't have any money lined up -- nobody else does either, that i know of, but you gotta think about it, and it's hard to prepare since i don't know where on the globe i will be. also my candidacy exam got put off another month because of scheduling difficulties, which my advisor said had nothing to do with my work, but now of course i have to worry if it had to do with my work.

i have to get more than 3 hours of sunlight in a day. i keep getting up at 1pm and later going for walks alone in the cold damp dark (at like 6pm on major streets, not 2am or anything), looking at fog in the streetlights and it is screwing with me. i have to get up earlier, but i sleep badly and so i'm usually still tired even after 8-9 hours.

i am not so much "intuitively" eating as "ceaselessly" eating and my weight is at an all-time high.

between these things and having no set schedule at the moment, i am a big bag of crazy. i think i might up the prozac for the holidays.

i thought i was doing better with the whole checking thing but the other day i heard a strange voice in the driveway (that we share with a bunch of neighbors) and i couldn't stop myself from seeing who it was.

maybe i'm not better, it's not the prozac, maybe it's just the environment that's better. maybe i won't be able to deal with a really stressful environment again. i was feeling pretty happy for a while. i don't know what's going on.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( e_sort )))))))))))))))

It sounds like you have had some extra stress which usually causes the symptoms of ocd to show up more. I experience this sometimes too, I will go through a period of time where it really acts up and I cant help but wonder what is going on I thought that I had gotten better. My T says that ocd is a coping skill so maybe you just had a little extra to cope with lately.