[justalittleparanoid]

i have to be perfect with everything. i cant make my bed with out redoing it about 30 times. i cant stop vacume a room till everything is off the floor. all the hair from my dog. the vacume is full of dirt. i cant stop wash a floor till there is nothing on the rag. i cant stop cleaning a room untill everything bisides the furniture is off the floor. i cant do anything untill everything is perfect. and i can not work with out system. if it doest have a system then i have panic attacks. if something isnt even with whatever im doing. if it isnt simetrical. then i have to redo it over as many times until it is even. so im a perfectionist. or how ever its spelled. perfectionist. perfectionist. i think.

[Reina-Rena]

Hello justalittleparanoid!

You are not alone with this OCD problem. I am also a perfectionist, and I know how stressful it can be. my OCD mostly triggers with my thoughts, but it also bothers me with everyday things as well. I was diagnosed with OCD this year, but I believe that my OCD was a slowly arriving disorder as I grew older. I always had OCD like symptoms ever since I was young. I remember a time when I would have to tell my mother every lie I ever told-because I wanted to have this feeling of perfection. I feared the thought of lying to my friends and family, even now this still bothers me a little. I would suggest that you see a theropist and/or a psychiatrist, that way you will always have someone you can talk to (along with all the wonderful people of PC!) Your psychiatrist can also give you some helpful medication that will help with your OCD.

[FooZe]

I gave up on being "perfect" quite a while ago, but I'm finding being "pretty good" quite satisfying. Curiously enough, I learned a lot of useful skills while trying to be perfect, that now help with being "pretty good".

I was wondering if this might not be the key to your problem:

Originally Posted by justalittleparanoid

i cant do anything untill everything is perfect. and i can not work with out system. if it doest have a system then i have panic attacks.

Back when I was seriously trying to be perfect, I found that I often did get quite anxious if I didn't have something to keep me busy. A little later I started to notice myself regularly making plans that required me to be places at exact times, then managing to fall just far enough behind schedule so that I was constantly rushing -- fighting traffic or whatever -- to get there. It took me a while to notice that whenever I was busy enough (whether meticulously following rules or fighting traffic), I didn't have much attention on whatever I was worried about at the moment, that I didn't feel ready to deal with.

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I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything, but I also remember that I used to mistrust myself. Right after I'd learned to drive, I used to feel that if I didn't remember to read every road sign and think carefully about what it was telling me, I'd be sure to do something stupid: that if someone happened to be crossing the street in front of me, I might not notice them unless I'd first read the "PEDESTRIAN CROSSING" sign and remembered to look. Wasn't that what signs were for -- to save me from myself?

One time, I'd just parked near my bank and was about to get out of the car when I remembered that I had my checkbook in the glove compartment. "Oops," I started to say, "almost forgot my checkbook!" But no, I realized (possibly for the first time), I hadn't "almost forgotten" it -- I'd remembered it exactly when I needed it, without having had to think about it all the way there.

[pegasus]

Are you having therapy?

I would suggest gradually letting go of one of your cleaning sessions (just for one day) and doing something else that you really enjoy during that time. Use a different distraction. I'm guessing that you'll read this and think, I can't do that! But what is the worst that could happen here? If you find that your anxiety starts hitting through the roof because you haven't cleaned for one day, work through these feeling with your therapist.

Let us know how you get on.