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#1
May 08, 2009, 10:37 AM
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I have been having these flashes in my head. Always the same and they come with great anxiety. The flashes are of when it was a weekend at my dad's house and my brother had a sleepover with about 10 of his friends and we all slept in the living room. Them in the floor me on the couch (that's where I slept at my dad's all the time anyway). That really happened. What I'm not sure of is I keep remembering someone reaching up to the couch where i was sleeping and trying to touch me. And me rolling over and them trying to roll me back. I was about 9. I don't know if this is a real memory or not. Everytime it pops in my head i get scared and sick to my stomach. The "memory" is fuzzy but at the same time vivid. Like I remember what the hand looked like down to the dirty fingernails. And the smell of weed coming from my dad's room. But my dad has always smoked pot it helps his migrains so i don't know if I'm integrating the pot smell with the "memory" or not. I've actually thought about hypnosis to see if it happened or not. I've heard of repressed memories but I don't know if this is one or if it is mabye a story i remember. I just don't know
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Dx: PTSD, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Personality Disorder. A Do Da Quantkeeah A-da-nv-do |
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#2
May 08, 2009, 01:57 PM
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Hi Thunderbear,
I don't really have an answer to your question, but I wanted to let you know I read your post and I care.  It sounds like those images/memories are pretty disconcerting and even scary - are you seeing a therapist? safe hugs, if you want them.... 
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 thunderbear
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#3
May 08, 2009, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Dx: PTSD, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Personality Disorder. A Do Da Quantkeeah A-da-nv-do |
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#4
May 08, 2009, 03:16 PM
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Yeah, that makes it hard when you've already had a bad experience.
I had a bad experience with my first T, but I knew I had to find another one. Luckily, I found someone who is really understanding....she knows about the previous T and promised we would take it slow...."at a snail's pace"....she said. I've been seeing her for about 3 months and things are going pretty well. I'm sure you'll find a T who is right for you and will be able to help you. Don't be afraid to 'interview' several and pick the one you feel most comfortable with.....from what I understand T's expect that kind of thing. Best of luck to you! 
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| thunderbear
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#5
May 08, 2009, 04:30 PM
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Thunderbear I don't know much about repressed feelings, just that they can be really intense and hard on a person. I've heard people say that remembering the forgotten abuse can make you feel the trauma all over again and sometimes it's much worse the second time around.  Even if these "flashes" you're experiencing aren't repressed memories, they sound really traumatic. It has to be really disturbing to you. Maybe you should give therapy another chance, at least just to talk about the flashbacks.
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 " I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation, 'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use? Aahh, the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly, "Come and play". Aahh, I am falling, and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame. I'm safe, up high, nothing can touch me, but why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside, you're like perfection, but how do I feel this good sober?" (From the song "Sober", by Pink)
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| thunderbear
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#6
May 08, 2009, 04:44 PM
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Hi Thunderbear...
 Gosh...that has to be a disturbing thought for you. I can understand how you would wonder if it was an accurate memory. I would urge you not to try and judge it as accurate or inaccurate at this point. Maybe just do your best to acknowledge and accept that these images are in your mind. Sometimes being able to do this can help process the memory/visions. Also, look at what you know is accurate. It is accurate that you often slept on the couch at your Dad's. It is accurate that your Dad smoked weed for migraines. It is accurate that your brother had a sleep over with some friends in the living room where you were sleeping. What would be the subconscious reasoning for placing this memory or vision there if it didn't occur. I know it's hard. But just go with it for now and let it ride. Hopefully, validating it with an open mind will help. I would suggest seeing a therapist too. I have had bad experiences with them myself. The thing to remember is you are in control of whether you see these people or not. You interview them...they work for you on your behalf. If you don't click well with one, it is okay to interview another until you find one you do click with. I'm not sure about hypnosis, but I have trust issues and don't think it would be acceptable to me to have someone that close to me. Not saying don't do it, I just don't think you would need to go that route necessarily to get the answers you're looking for. Good luck to you, and we are here for you!! 
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| thunderbear
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