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  #1  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 01:20 AM
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jennie jennie is offline
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The Terri Schiavo case has reminded me that I need to draft up a living will for myself. I wonder . . .

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  #2  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 03:40 AM
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Living Wills are a very good thing however they don't always work. My mother had a living will & I would become trustee to make medical decisions if she was deemed not competent to make those decisions. Do you know how hard it is to get that determined. As an only child, you look like you are trying to make your parent look mentally incompetent even though you know they are not making the right decision. They can make the people in the hospital who don't know them as well as you do think that they are just fine. It takes the written decision of two doctors to allow you to become in control. The doctors would not do that on their own & I didn't want to make it look like I was trying to be controling. Because of that, they kept me from helping make the decisions of where my mother was going to go when she left the hospital & because she "was determined to live at home" with the least amount of help necessary, we ended up getting involved with an RN that stole her identity, all her valuable jewlery & tried to get the police to find me abusing my mother.

It is a tricky issue no matter how you look at it. It is good on one hand once the competence is determined, but until then, you have your hands tied while they are alive. Once my mother died, it made things much easier in that I could just take over & no probate & just pay bills & I am working on organizing things now since she just died in January & I was in the medical hospital until February with problems caused by the RN that set herself up to take care of my mother.

Just one warning. If someone wants to be at home & refuses to be in a nursing home make sure that you use nursing care that is licensed & bonded & not just the friend what in my case was my mothers boyfriend & his daughter. Check out whoever you are having do the care thoroughly & DON'T TRUST ANYONE ALONE IN THE HOUSE.

The trauma I went through will never go away & it made the last month & the funeral a nightmere I probably will never get over. I don't know how to get around these problems that are built into the process but I got so hurt in the process even with the living trust (will), it is actually scarry.
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  #3  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 08:42 AM
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a living will can be a good thing. however, it just states your wishes on paper. a family member can override them in their grief and denial.

i do think it's a great tool in helping such family member to let go. your wishes are there in black and white to read 100 times if necessary and then there for them after the passing to reinforce that they've made the right decision for you based on your wishes.

hubby, my girls and me have all had "the talk". they know my wishes and i know theirs. it helped alot, but you know, with this all over the news it's made me think too about having that in writing. grief and desperation can take over and we never know what our "thinking" will be at a time like that.

thanks,

kd
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Old Mar 27, 2005, 10:37 AM
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The big problem is if the Doctor's know a family member has a mental illness, they will intervine saying it's our illness getting in the way of making proper judgement calls
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  #5  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 11:08 AM
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<font color="blue"> Although I have a Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney, I had no idea there was such a think as a mental healthy directive. New information to consider...</font>
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  #6  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 04:10 PM
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A sample Mental Health Advance Directive can be viewed at http://www.dhmh.state.md.us/mha/misc...%20advance.pdf
  #7  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 08:41 PM
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My thoughts: You must have a DURABLE power of attorney. The regular power of attorney ends when you die. duh.

As for an advanced medical care directive, it's good to have at least the form one, notarized.

As some of you know, they aren't perfect. It's best to NOT give the power of decisions to someone who doesn't know you well (like a doctor, which is what the form one basically does.) and someone who CAN think under duress. Nor would I give it to anyone who is a beneficiary on your insurance policy... gee they might take the money and not give you rehab and tell the courts you rather would die.

Take the form directive and alter it for YOURSELF and your wishes. Mention the Shiavo case, and what you liked and disliked about the proceedings... a perfect example of relaying how you want it for you. Don't be afraid to include TIMING in your directive. If you want support for a certain amount of time before the decision to terminate is made, write that in. If you INSIST on PAIN medication during the whole process, write that in. (Often it's up to the doctor to arbitrarily decide if you can feel pain or hunger!) If you want to be rehabilitated, write that in too.... think about it and type it in. Delete anything you don't need (like the pregnancy clause menopauser!)

Make sure you specify that if you need an operation at any time, you WANT it..and that life support for that operation is allowed and not part of your advanced directive for DNR. (Do not resusitate.) [Case in point: my dad had brain cancer but also a living will.... they hesistated a whole weekend because they thought he didn't want life support which was required for the life saving surgery! duh!]

My decider is my attorney... I KNOW he will fight for my life longer than anyone... or end it for me like I probably want anyway. [Though I've thought about giving my psychologist the power, since he has more hope for me than everyone else combined!)

File several ORIGINAL, notarized copies in different places. Your attorney, your secure deposit box at the bank, the person you give the power to, and your MD should have one in your file too!... Even keeping one in the glovebox of your car is not outlandish, as police and EMT get that info quickly. A miniturized one in your wallet with your medical info would work.

I mean, we are ALL going to die... it's not like we would cause it by having the directive.

Talk about verbosity!
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  #8  
Old Mar 27, 2005, 09:14 PM
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eskielover, i am so sorry that you had to go through such pain concerning the care of your mother. pat
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