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#1
Jun 08, 2009, 07:54 PM
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I just can't do this anymore
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC]  Susan
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#2
Jun 08, 2009, 08:17 PM
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((((((((((((( Susan ))))))))))))))
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#3
Jun 08, 2009, 09:13 PM
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((((((((((((((( susan888 ))))))))))))))))
Sending you lots of hugs 
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 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
 susan888
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#4
Jun 08, 2009, 09:50 PM
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It only gets better long enough to get your hopes up and then the rug gets pulled out from you again....You learn to distrust the good times...because they are just going to be taken away....
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
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#5
Jun 08, 2009, 11:02 PM
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Quote:
It hard to let go of feeling like that, but I had to do it if I was to enjoy the good times. I guess life is like that, full of ups, full of downs. Getting and staying on an even keel can be very difficult but it can be done. Hope you feel more relaxed soon, Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| susan888
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#6
Jun 11, 2009, 08:33 PM
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i call it the poisenous snake fixing to bite at any moment.
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| susan888
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#7
Jun 11, 2009, 11:55 PM
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Hang in There - You can DO IT - - - -
I have been there and let me tell you a meltdown is no fun..... 
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#8
Jun 12, 2009, 01:27 PM
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I can relate to stuffing it and moving forward only to have it come out to play later at the most inconvenient times. I can also relate to waiting for the other shoe to drop. I live in the Northwest and at times the winters hit me so hard I saw these beautiful summers as a cruel joke since winter comes again. I made a choice a few months ago not to give in any more. I'm researching everything I can think of online (this forum helps!) Some fits, some doesn't. I'm exercising by walking the local hills and this seems to be moderating mood swings. I guess the point is that by taking a more active role in facing this stuff (still don't know what exactly), I'm developing a better sense of control over my own life instead of passively waiting for life to get better. Be good to yourself.
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| Amazonmom
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#9
Jun 12, 2009, 07:07 PM
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I have spent my whole life taking care of everyone else..my daughter who has a chronic disease, my mom who had a liver disease and passed 1 1/2 yrs ago, my uncle who had lung cancer, my aunt who also had lung cancer. My entire elder family died within three years...My daughter expects so much from me...not just help with her illness, but she separated from her fiancee (my grandson's dad) in January because she found out he cheated on her.
Now in addition to supporting her in her illness (er runs, hospital stays....) I have been helping her financially, being her social support, pretty much her everything...........I have begun to draw boundries because I need to take care of my marriage (not her dad) and my own life, but it seems like she sooo doesn't understand that, even after everything we have done for her... Tonight my husband is away at work and those nights are just supposed to be for me to get my s*** together after dealing with my job all week, but after 3 hrs I had to strongly hint that she go home. Needless to say she was not happy with me....BIG guilt trip... Do I totally suck as a Mom because I can't be there for her 24/7 and fix her life???? Like I said............I just can't do this anymore. I have my own issues. Dad chose the wrong way out when I was 8...Mom had her plate full...Brother died of leukemia when I was 10. Life has just been so hard, but I did manage to put my own needs aside and raise her and take care of my family.... Just sooo tired..........It never ends.
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
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#10
Jun 13, 2009, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
 Whatever...
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Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#11
Jun 13, 2009, 04:31 PM
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((((Susan))) while I think you could try to continue and do things the same way, I think it's best that you do say you "won't."
No guilt trip for good self care. What harm did you do by having her go home so you could get some rest??? None, imo. Sounds like a good time to write down all the things that you haven't enjoyed doing, and checking off the ones you won't be doing in the future. Gaining a good attitude about self care NOT being selfish would be one to put on your "keep" or "to do" list, don't you think? I'm sorry you're having a melt down. Use this energy to carve out a new life, a new way of life, for yourself. Sure sounds like a good plan to me.
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| susan888
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#12
Jun 13, 2009, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
(((((((((((((((( Susan888 )))))))))))))))))  
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
| Amazonmom, susan888
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#13
Jun 13, 2009, 10:34 PM
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Quote:
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
| susan888
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#14
Jun 14, 2009, 10:25 AM
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It's okay to get overwhelmed and have meltdowns. We all do. There are times in our lives where everything comes at us in different directions and we wan to give up and walk away. Hang in there because although this is cliche, "it to shall pass".
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| susan888
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#15
Jun 14, 2009, 11:38 AM
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(((((((Susan)))))))),
The one thing I learned is that when we are having a meltdown, that is our body & mind telling us there has to be a change made. We can't keep doing the same thing & expect different results, so when we continue along the same path, the meltdown will only get worse the next time (if it goes away even a little). I think sky has said it well with some suggestions It is ok to support your daughter....but you have to set up boundaries that are definite....that she knows......like the time she has to leave so you can have your night to yourself (10pm worse case.....9pm better). Only emergency calls after that time also.....emergency being something like 911....no false emergencies. The other boundaries you are setting up for your own marriage......those are important to enforce also......you are entitled to your life now. You were her mother all her life when it had to be 24/7.....but now, she needs to stand on her own except when it is absolutely impossible. People can try to put guilt trips on us.....but if we don't accept the guilt....it doesn't work.....don't accept the guilt that is trying to be loaded onto you.....it isn't valid, so shove it back to the one trying to give it to you. The fact is you are a wonderful Mother.....we as parents can only do so much.....after a point it's time for them to stand on their own.....no matter what their difficulties might be. We all have to learn to find our own support system outside of family (along with family). Find out what we need to do to bring in the income we need to live on & live within our means. What we hope is that we have brought up our children to be self sufficient....to be able to take care of themselves at least as much as possible. I know with a chronic disease, that is a little different picture & does add a bit more necessity for support....but even that has to have it's limits to only when really needed. This period of time is a good time to figure out what it is contributing most to your melt down.....listing all the things that are part of your life, you can go through them & there will be a sense of anxiety that comes up on the ones that are worse.....work through what can be done to limit them & cut back of everything you possibly can to get some sense of control again. Know you will be able to firuge this out.....if all else fails....be honest with others about your melt down feeling & let them know you have been overloaded.......you don't have to be a martyr, & you don't have to keep your feelings to yourself......when you let them out for the others who are involved to know about & to understand.....they will be more than willing to help also. Hope some of these ideas will help you get through your meltdown & remove it from your life in the future. Debbie Quote:
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 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
| susan888
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#16
Jun 15, 2009, 10:29 AM
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Thanks so much everyone for your replies. I am feeling better now. All of you had such good advice! I did sit down and try to figure out what triggers my anxiety and it seems to be a combination of things.
1. Getting the call that she is hurting and needs to go to the Emergency Dept. Sometimes it doesn't happen for a month and then when it does, I am better able to do it. When it happens a few times in a month....It is just so hard. It would be nice if there were someone else to help with this, but there isn't. I have been her sole support in this for 10 years. 2. Getting the call that she can't pay her bills and doesn't know what she is going to do. The last month has been very difficult with 4 ER visits and a 5 day hospital stay. Had to help with her bills and we are very tight now. On top of that my car broke down!! Geez!!!  Well...Thanks so much for listening and giving me your advice. I am trying to set more boundries with her especially around the money we are able to give her and also the time I need alone and alone with my husband.
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
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#17
Jun 15, 2009, 03:55 PM
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(((((susan888)))))
I am glad you are doing better but dont forget to take care of yourself no matter what, I am trying to do just that lately, I find it very hard to do. I hope things get better for you
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| susan888
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#18
Jun 15, 2009, 04:21 PM
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 That's the way it's going for me, too! Why waste the energy gettin' all up and motivated and happy when you're just gonna get smacked down again! .........nothin' like gettin' kicked when you're already down.....oy veyAs always: It turns out that the "light at the end of the tunnel" is attached to a rapidly approaching train !! It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to TRY and rally......turn this frown upside down....? So if I try.....ya'll have got to try too...pleeeaaassseee......deep breath....  
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...Full of Angst, Unfocused Ambition and Flamboyant Instability. |
| susan888
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#19
Jun 15, 2009, 04:54 PM
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Life is very hard for some of us and it just doesn't seem fair....but I guess no one ever said it was going to be. My Grandma used to say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".....I think I set myself up sometimes by thinking someday my life will be a peaceful one. Really that's all I have ever wanted...don't need a lot of things, money, etc...just that beautiful and elusive peace of mind. ((((((((Everyone))))))
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
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#20
Jun 17, 2009, 03:36 PM
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Hey Susan
Sorry to hear youre having a rough time of it sounds like you need some time for yourself. Anyway you can see to get some?Do I totally suck as a Mom because I can't be there for her 24/7 and fix her life???? ...Nooo! You totally must be a good mum to even think this! 'put my own needs aside and raise her and take care of my family....' ....See good mum, good heart, good person...don't doubt it. Much love x X x |
| susan888
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