[Lauru]

I have a problem with my body image. Yes I think I am totally ugly and everyone is staring at me, repulsed. But perhaps more disconcerting is the fact that I hate my face the way I look, and sometimes take off of work till I feel human again. I have been off for three days, I am going back on Friday, but I am so self conscious. I am not sure what to do.

[lynn P.]

Hi Lauru,
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I know you most likely wouldn't call someone else ugly - so I don't think you should call yourself that - right? There is a psychological condition where people see themselves much different than others do - I think it's 'body dysmorphic disorder' - if I'm wrong then someone please correct me.

I think many self esteem issues relating to how we look can be blamed on the beauty industry, for constantly bombarding us with the 'perfect image' of beauty. Of course there's other factors too. I think it's important to accept yourself for the way you are and don't compare yourself to others - I know that's hard sometimes.

I volunteer over on the Q&A section and I often tell the story of the Iraqi war veteran who got severely burn in a bomb accident. Once he got out of the hospital he started working on a famous soap opera. I'm sure most people would think he's hideous if not even a little scary. But I watched the show and before I knew it, I became oblivious to the fact he had no hair, no ears and very stretched skin. He had the most beautiful smile and eyes but most of all - he had incredible charisma. His inner beauty was shining through. I hope you will learn to love yourself the way you are and make the best of what's good about you.

[VickiesPath]

Hi Lauru,

When I was growing up, the way my parents treated me (and my three siblings) was so damaging, that when I was a young teen, I used to walk around looking at the ground. I thought it hurt people to look at me. I am not exagerating. I truly believed this.

As time passed and I moved away and began my journey into creating a healthier state of mind, I remember one instance not too many years ago. I was digging through some old family photographs. I was caught by surprise when I saw some old photographs of me. What was so shocking was when I looked at them, I didn't see the homely, nearly ugly girl I had believed I was, I saw someone different. I saw a different girl than the one I remembered. I never was ugly. I never was homely. I had been made to believe that.

If you look at my picture on my profile, you will see a very happy 56 year old woman. I don't think I'm ugly. In fact, most people who have known me all my life tell me I have never looked better. I think it's because I'm happy.

I doubt you are ugly. I would be willing to bet you are far from it.