How do you form a social circle when you're hideous?

After a discussion with my son yesterday, it really hit hard that I need to develop some friendships so we have a network of people to do things with. I have not one friend. NOT ONE! My ex has a huge social circle that he and the kids used to do things with, and since he's gotten a girlfriend he's stopped doing things with the kids and his friends. In fact, he's stopped doing things with the kids at all. My son is really upset by it, to the point of tears.

I buy books on how to make small talk, how to start and continue conversations, etc., but I'm afraid to open my mouth because I think I'm too boring or they'll be disgusted by my less-than-movie-star-quality teeth. (I lost my last baby tooth in November and I don't have the thousands of dollars to have bridge work done to replace it. My kids say it's not that noticeable, but I don't want to believe them. And I have 27-year-old crowns on my top front teeth that are opaque because they have metal backs). I felt hideous before I lost the tooth, and now I feel 100% unlikeable. Who wants to talk to someone with missing and unevenly colored teeth?

This is the dumbest thing to hold me back from talking to people, I know, but I can't get over it. My self esteem was already shot, and then I lose a tooth on top of it.

i read your post.....then i had to go look at the photos because I KNOW i saw a picture of you and you are anything but hideous.........don't you realize that you are beautiful?.....i completely understand how self conscious one can be about their teeth..but i bet you that no one notices as much as you think they do.....

(((((((wi_fighter))))))

I am sure you are absolutely NOT hideous....But I do understand your feelings because I have no friends, not that I have regular contact with. I also feel that I am ugly and unlikeable....

You can join me in my little same boat if you like???!!!
*caringsmile*

sorrel

Hmmm, I don't think your hideous. You're great and I love your personality. I would encourage you to at least try to make friends (I don't have many myself but the few I have I cherish). You have it harder because you are self-employed and don't interact with people at work every day (sometimes, that's a plus).

My question is why do you need friends of yours to do things with your kids? Why not do inexpensive/free things with them and let them invite their friends? Is that possible? Hubby and I are talking about going hiking some weekend (it's free) and I don't even like hiking. But I'm willing to try!

Let's think about some things we can do to make things better.

I want to help. Let me know how.

i am not hideous & i have trouble making friends, too

i'm charming, vivacious, beautiful, wealthy, petite, outgoing and i have a hard time making friends........

personally, i think you're cute and i love your ***-kicking personality. you take no prisoners, most of the time. does the school have PTA meetings? what about the group support? did it die? postoffice? grocery store? (i hear the produce dept is really where the hotties hang out)......church groups? camera club?

seriously, i know what you're talking about. i lost a crown and it drives me nuts. i always put my hand in front of my mouth when i laugh...or smile. i do not do anything with anyone here. nada. just me and fayeroe. hardly ever do anything with daughter, as she' tells me, "i'm busy with my family" most of the time. i have friends here on PC...and i have friends that i haven't met in nursing school and in Austin, Texas.......

((((((((((((((((((((WI))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are beautiful inside and out.

1day, I do things with them alone all the time. Yesterday we went to the city amusement park and then to the wildlife sanctuary. We had a blast, but they miss the interaction with the extended family my ex had formed. Now I feel it's my responsibility to make up for it. Financially, I can't do it all, but my kids miss the camping trips and off-road races and get togethers that he isn't doing with them any more. I'm also not a social butterfly, so hosting parties for my kids and their friends is a big stress inducer. I want to get over that, but it's hard.

Another thing I'm finding harder and harder to get around is the boy versus girl things. What my son wants to do, my daughter doesn't, and vice versa.

Do you ever get the feeling that everyone is in their own little bubble and are oblivious to the world around them? That's the feeling I get, except for the people at mall kiosks who are constantly trying to get you to buy a new cell phone plan or try their ring cleaner or hand lotion. I get excited when someone like that starts talking to me, then I remember they're just trying to get money from me.

I have discolored teeth - from taking serious antibiotics as a child while teeth were forming. I have always been self conscious about it..........however, I made a decision many years ago..........if people dont like me because of my teeth......its their loss ! I am also a singer, and I dont let my discolored teeth stop me from singing either !

I agree with someone else's point of view - why do you have to have friends to do things with your kids? I would think letting your kids bring along a friend, and you doing neat things with them, would mean more to your kids than always having to do things with "your circle of friends"......be the COOL Mom who takes a carload of kids to the park, and swings with them and laughs with them. be the COOL Mom who lets your kids friends hang out at your house alot, find craft projects to do with them , or board games, make it FUN to be hanging around with their MOM.

Another thought about taking the kids places - there will be other Moms there too that you could chat with, slowly, just small talk, and perhaps that would help you start feeling more comfy talking to people. Me thinks possibly you are way too hard on yourself ! From reading your posts, and replies to other people, I know I would like you if I were to meet you !

Yes Parker, I am way too hard on myself. I've always been a perfectionist, and then when I was married I was never good enough as just me. I had to do things that were of interest to him, and I had to change my dress and grooming to what he felt was appropriate for any given occasion. I was never good enough just being me.

I'll go grocery shopping and if the clerk is nice and chatty to everyone ahead of me, and then is cold when I get up there, I assume there's something wrong with me. If I try to make small talk if there's no one waiting behind me in line, I'll get an "oh, that's nice, bye bye now."

You read suggestions like "if you find someone interesting, ask if they'd like to meet for coffee" but I don't feel I even have enough interesting things to say to fill up 15 minutes. Sure, I can go on about my crappy relationship with my ex or how burned out with my job I've become, but that's not exactly uplifting conversation material.

Thanks Butterfly. I just don't see it. All I see are the imperfections. And tonight I managed to singe off my eyelashes while trying to fire up the grill.

I guess I must not be too bad. I got caught on camera yesterday at the amusement park and they actually put that section of film on the news. Of course I missed it, but my son saw it and told me.

Sorrel, Wants2, and Jen. Thanks.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Pat, you always have to be a smart ***** don't ya?

For whatever it's worth, I think you're really pretty! And teeth would have no bearing on whether I wanted to be friends with somebody.