[Kiya]

am sitting awake at nearly 4am. been awake all night. am exhausted, yet wide awake as soon as I try to sleep.

am feeling CRAZY. maybe i should go take the other half of the med i am coming off of. why does t have to be gone NOW? Or rather why is it that when T's are gone, the CRAZY comes out???

am urge surfing (those who deal with self injury know what i mean). i am just barely holding off. have done everything else in the "not such good coping skills" group with that last exception. have also tried reading, and day dreaming. no good. am about to go try music.

the internal angst is sooooooooo strong. it wants me to hurt, wants to hurt that which aches internally. why do i feel like such a mess?!?! and yet why do i deny myself any real help? t is gone for several weeks. i know i could call the crisis line. i could call my "problems at 3am" number - but I am already seeing her in the morning for a "fun day". i could email another t i know and see if i could get in.... but why? this doesn't feel real and it feels like there is no REAL help to be had. What good is therapy if as soon as she leaves i'm a nutcase?

gaaaaah.

[Junerain]

((((((((((Kiya))))))

No answers, I feel the same often, just sitting with you, listening....

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

Maybe it just when we're with the T we
don't feel so nut case?

[lynn P.]

I've seen several posts expressing anxiety during holiday or vacation time when their T's aren't available. Your negative thoughts know you don't have a backup, so they're acting up like a mischievess dog, when the owners out. For the SI - please visit the SI forum and read the 'sticky posts' -there are helpful tips there. I also heard that holding ice cubes in your hands works. The pain causes endorphin release the same when a person SI's. Exercise would also help you cope and so would slow deep breathing. Keep posting here and we can help fill the gap even though we can't compare to your T. Hang in there.

[Hunny]

Kiya

Thanks for reaching out and thanks to all for the answers. Sometimes we not like to sleep because we not like to wake to see who is there...but we understand yours is more about the chemical change going on ...thanks for music. We like listening to the tunes people put on PC if you want to share.

.

[Kiya]

thanks all - i did finally get 3.5 hours of sleep, listening to Belleruth Naperstek's tape (but it is just music from her PTD tape which is great since I listened to the PTSD tape for several years). I just kept not wanting to turn it on.

I did email the other T i know and have set up an apnt for tues.... this is sat.... soooo far away when struggling. but better than naught i suppose.

The dog analogy is interesting - acting out when T is away. And they sure are. showing me such visions @_@ I must stay true to core and steady in what i know. Not look at the frightening images. Or perhaps it is that when T is around, we are too freaked out to see what is there, and if no one makes any quick movements, everything can stay hidden.

Anyway... thanks for the support, hugs, ideas, and listening.