[skyliner]

Hi all! I am grateful for the presence of this community and look forward to sharing ideas and support here

I'm not sure where to post this so I chose this general forum.

I will begin with an example related to my mom: my mom was abusive when I was growing up. Anything that reminds me of her, say if I smell her cologne on another person on the street it gives rise to a feeling of repulsion from within me. I used to want to 'work it through' in therapy, I wanted to not be repulsed by stuff that remind me of her. However, I came to the realization that for me 'working it through' meant arriving at a place of acceptance that indeed these are the scars of childhood abuse. I no longer attempt to fight the repulsion, I accept it as the natural order of things when a mom is abusive to her child. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

Though a part of me is curious whether there is a different 'brand' of therapy wherein one can 'unlearn' and 'decondition' oneself from having these repulsive responses/reactions to these triggers.

The other situation I find myself in is a father who was also abusive. I am conflicted about marrying at this point. The idea of having a physical relationship with a male gives me a visceral reaction of disgust and repulsion. So I avoid dating, etc. I don't have a problem with males in social settings such as college etc. but avoid thoughts of dating/marriage.

I think if the pants stayed up and the fly remained zipped I wouldn't have a problem with dating/marrying a male. (But that seeems unrealistic).

Here, too, I have come to a place within myself where I can feel the sadness of not having a long-term committed hetero relationship and say that sadly this is the result/scars of misbehaviors done to me.

And yet I am curious whether it is possible to 'work through' this issue as well and come to a place of being 'healed' and not being 'triggered' and 'repulsed' by a male's anatomy. The hair, the gender-specific body parts, etc. I am so reactive to it.

Should I settle for life as it is, spending time with the children I already have (they really want for me to remarry) or is there potential in 'working this through'? I've already been in intensive psychodynamic therapy.

Thank you, and I look forward to some insight!

The considerations which you address involve choices you must make. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is daunting. Even so, the rewards may make the angst you will experience worth it. Conversely, no one should second guess your choice to remain within your comfort zone, despite the limitations you are aware of.

Importantly, the choice you make today is not unalterable. A year from now you may feel differently.

Good luck with whatever choice you make.

[skyliner]

Thank you; I will give this some thought.