[Renovation]

Been awhile since I've checked in. Things are getting a lot better and a lot worse. It's the oddest existence. On the one hand, I finally have some income. I am involved in a consulting project that has been extended another couple of months and there is a possibility that, if this next phase goes well, that there might be an additional extension and, if everything goes great, there is even the possibility that we might be able to build a software product, which could serve as the basis for an ongoing business. So, I am grateful that my financial situation in terms of income has, at least, for the short-term taken a turn for the better.

The challenge is that there are no guarantees the project will be extended, so I am still living in a state of uncertainty. The worst part though is that we are still under significant debt and without insight into my mid/long-term income possibilities, it's challenging to figure out how to best navigate through this mess.

We were considering filing bankruptcy but have at least for the time being, decided to try to negotiate debt settlement with the credit card companies with the hope that we can work out lump-sum settlements at a fraction of the debt. We have hired a bankruptcy attorney to help with this. We eventually want to try to negotiate a loan modification but if we are not able to do so, there is the possibility that we may no longer be able to afford our home and might have to lose it.

I wish there were a clear cut answer and that all involved parties would cooperate but that it is too much to expect. The credit card companies have a right to try to get paid and they are calling incessantly to try to collect and some are making serious threats. We are working with experts and I try to stay informed through other debt-related online forums I belong to that have been great sources of information/inspiration.

I am trying to keep an even keel. I came across a piece of advice from a guy who was successful at negotiating his debt about how to stay positive as you go through a period of financial stress. He suggested that one shouldn't tie their identity to their bank account. Your character is not defined by have may zeros are next to your name. It's not defined by your credit score. To me it's about helping others. I just got involved with a non-profit that helps lower-income kids. I almost decided not to get involved because I wanted to wait until my financial/work life was a bit more in order. I also questioned my value as a role model given my current financial situation. I finally decided that all this didn't matter and, if anything, dealing with adversity was part of the lessons I could pass forward.

He also advised not to put your life on hold, so my wife and I are starting to do some fun things together that don't cost a lot of money. A couple of weekends ago, we went on a hike in park not too far from where we live, then went and had lunch at an ethnic restaurant and then went to the public library for a couple of hours. We have cut down on food expenses, especially during the week and then treat ourselves to either a dinner or a lunch/brunch at an inexpensive restaurant during the weekend.

Our goal this year is to get out of credit card debt and for me to get back on my feet in terms of income. Will keep you posted on the journey

[Junerain]

A hike in the park, how romantic!!

And an ethnic restaurant, and a library, I spend three hours in the library everyday- I am here now here home at the library

I agree what you have is not what you ARE, you are a great person I can tell, esp. that you didnt hesitate to help children in need!!

How fascinating you turned things around, and what a positive outlook!!

Good luck.

[Renovation]

I am tired of having to watch every penny but we have to. I love my wife but sometimes she can't control her spending. We need to be saving money to pay off our debt and she goes off and spends $88 on some decorations and, I think, clothes. I was just looking at our online checking account and saw that there was an expense of $88. We cannot afford $88 right now!! I am so pissed off but I don't want to come down too hard on her but I did ask her about it. She said it was some dishware she bought for a get together we're having next week. We belong to a film club and it's our turn to host so she apparently bought some decorations that go with the theme of this month's movies. We're on the verge of bankruptcy for God's sakes! We don't need to spend close to a hundred bucks for f###ing decorations! And, I think she bought some clothes because this store primarily sells clothing. So whether it's clothes or decorations, we just cannot afford it right now. The deal we made was that we would cut down our spending significantly during the week so we can go out to an inexpensive dinner on the weekend and maybe a movie and possibly a cheap breakfast on Sunday. The deal is buy less "stuff" so we can enjoy some small pleasures doing fun stuff. That $88 could pay for a really nice dinner or tickets to a play. No more buying stuff!! I'd rather get my screaming out here than with her but I am pissed!! You pay the bills! You know our debt situation. Grow the f### up and stop it!

OK, I am going to try to calm down. I have said my peace now time to put it in perspective. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was decorations for the film club meeting and that she wants to be a great hostess. I know our financial situation is tough on her as well and at the end of the day we love each other very much, so we'll talk it out and move forward.

Maybe a tad stressed? Giving your wife the benefit of the doubt truly is a grand gesture.