[Dawr]

Recently my mom has been telling me about how I've gained weight. She keeps bringing it up, and making snide remarks about it, such as:

"Your butt is getting big. You need to go on a diet" and one time I lifted up my shirt a bit to wipe my face and she said "All I can see is that stomach, God look at it." and "You're getting chubby. I'm going to sign you up for a gym membership so you don't feel bad about yourself." on so forth

She talks about it pretty much every day.

And the last comment, the one about signing me up for a gym, hit a nerve and I broke down while driving to work. It hurt me a lot. All of the comments have upset me, but the last one especially.

I feel like I'm being selfish, and acting like a baby. Because I guess some people don't even have parents that care. But I've always have issues with self esteem and body image, so these comments, coming from my own mother, are really hitting me hard. I have a normal weight and BMI, I just tend to store fat on my thighs and butt.

Because I was so upset today, when I got to work, my friends and co workers there were concerned. I told them what my mom said to me and they told me she was being horrible. But I'm not sure if they were just being nice because I was upset, or if my mom is just telling the truth and I really am Fat.

I'm already depressed. I've been depressed for months, but My mom doesn't listen when I try to talk to her about it. I was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago by my Primary and was put on Cymbalta. But I feel like the depression is out of control again. And Now that my mom keeps nagging me about my weight it's making me feel even worse.

[CindyLuWho]

Tell Mom you'll go to the gym with her anytime she wants to improve her own health. Be straight up and tell her that she hurt your feelings. And say it again and again, every time she does it.

And remember, Moms do NOT always know best.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by CindyLuWho

Tell Mom you'll go to the gym with her anytime she wants to improve her own health. Be straight up and tell her that she hurt your feelings. And say it again and again, every time she does it.

And remember, Moms do NOT always know best.

Agreed 100%....and AMEN to that!!!

Let your Mother know that if she would like to offer you some positive comments that you will accept them, but that you are no longer hearing or accepting comments that put you down...even if they are disguised as caring and/or complimentary.

It's great to look like Cindy Crawford, but not even Cindy Crawford looks like herself. The model we see is airbrushed and photoshopped to edit out any so called "imperfections".

What's truly important is that you are healthy and where YOU want to be and are comfortable. So what if you carry a little extra weight around your legs/butt. You are inline with your BMI and that's great. In today's world...it's not easy to maintain that so I hope you can recognize that.

If you're happy and comfortable....then that's it. End of discussion. You know that if you want to make changes for yourself that you will do it, and it's no one else's business or right to criticize you for being you.

Hold fast to who you are and tell your Mother to STFU!!

[possum220]

Not you are not being too sensitive. If your BMI is normal then your Mum is the one with issues in her head.

I agree tell your Mum that she is hurting you. If she doesn't stop it tell her you will call DR Phil on her.

Take care.

[Perna]

I would reply something like, "Thanks, Mom, and I love you too!"

I would not take it personally since it doesn't sound like you have a problem. It sounds like she has a problem with your getting older and taking care of yourself, etc. She can't be as "in charge", can only manufacturer ways in her mind that you might need her. I'm with CindyLu, tell her you'd be glad to go to the gym with her to help her with her problems.

[Shangrala]

There is expressing genuine concern for another and then there is blatant insulting, (such as what your mother is saying to you).

Of course you are no where near being too sensitive to this, (those hurtful remarks would stab anyone). Your mom is verbally abusing you and if you can, perhaps confront her with how her remarks are making you feel, as she may not even be aware of it, herself.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I can personally relate to what you are experiencing as my hub is extremely verbally abusive and completely unconcerned about how he expresses himself. (I know he's well aware of how he insults because I have brought it to his attention so many times, not just in relation to how he makes me feel, but how he remarks about anyone in general).

Do your best to convey to your mom how her remarks are effecting you. If possibly, record what she is saying to you. Sometimes, hearing our own selves can be the most effective way to take notice of what we say.

I agree with CindyLuWho....offer to your mom that if she's willing to attend workout with you then chances are you'd be more successful with results.
(If she has genuine concern for YOUR health and weight, attending with you should not be a problem for her. It's a great opportunity for her to bond with her daughter). It's a win/win situation for the both of you....

I'm hoping for the best outcome for you....

Shangrala

[englishteacher]

It's hard to take that kind of criticism from a loved one. My husband has started in on me lately to lose weight. There are nice ways to say it and there are mean ways to say it. What your mom is saying is just mean. I agree with the others - tell her that it hurts EVERY time! Remember, only you have to be happy with your body. If she doesn't like it, too bad!

Suggest she join a gym with you so you can both be healthy - not skinny, but healthy. It's harder to lose weight when you are depressed because it's hard to get motivated. On the flip side, once you get into a routine, you'll find that exercise actually helps with mood and depression. The hard part is getting started and sticking with it until if actually starts to feel good.

Dawr, I would tell your Mother that she is not helping you. Since exercise always has been better than any pill in helping me deal with depression, I would urge you to simply walk if you do not want to go to the gym. Maybe you can get you Mom to walk with her too?

[Dawr]

Thanks guys for all the replies. I appreciate all of the advice and will definitely be using all of it.

<333333

Good luck, Dawr.

[Rhapsody]

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by Dawr

"You're getting chubby. I'm going to sign you up for a gym membership so you don't feel bad about yourself." on so forth

Actually mom, I'm okay with my weight. What makes me feel badly about myself are comments like that. Would you be willing to help me by accepting me as I am and allowing me to choose the body I am comfortable with?

And by the way, real girls are supposed to have curves.

[xdreamer]

i'm not quite ok with weight gain as it causes me depression

[AmadeusApple]

No, I don't think you're being too sensitive.
Weight is a very touchy subject.