[dogwood]

My son who plays the drums every night lives with me. Ihave bipolar and noise sensitvity due to brain surgery.There is no quiet place in the house-sometimes for several hours. It drives me to tears but I don't know how to tell him.I don't want to drive him away.But I can't live with the insanity of no quiet time and no ability to concentrate an anything such as reading or listening to my own music. How do I gently tell him and not hurt our good relationship?

You just tell him. Copy your post.

[purple_fins]

Could you maybe make a schedule together where he can play on certain days or certain times? (when you're not around)

like say--
Monday from 6pm-8pm he can play as you will be at the library
and then Tuesday from 5pm-6:30pm as you will go and do your
weekly shopping at that time, and then perhaps there is a friend's house he could go to once or twice a week to practice and they could play there. And then say for example-- Saturday from 11:00am to 2pm he can drum at home as you will be out with family or friends or giving yourself special time to go to the zoo, museums, the park or whatever you fancy.

maybe something like this could work? you think?

fins

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

You just tell him. Copy your post.

I agree. Does he know about your issues? If so, i t hink a gentle reminder, with an explanation that you arent just trying to be snarky about his music(because thats not the intention your trying to convey), that you are so glad he loves music, and such could go a long way.

Perhaps you could watch a movie with headphones during short practises? Or would this too be triggering for you? Just trying to brainstorm here.

[ECHOES]

I am wondering what keeps you from considering telling him directly?
You don't say his age or the circumstances of him living with you. Is that a factor?

[FooZe]

I have a feeling that the most promising solution would be in working out some kind of deal with your son, but here's an alternative -- maybe for while you're negotiating, maybe to make the final deal easier on you:

Noise-cancelling headphones. A friend gave me a pair when I was complaining about my noisy neighbors. They work surprisingly well. They were apparently first developed for airplane passengers, to cancel out engine sounds, passenger conversations and crying babies. They're battery-powered. You can switch them on without plugging them in, just to reduce ambient noise; plug them in without switching them on just to listen to music or TV; or plug them in and switch them on to listen to music (amplified considerably) with noise cancellation. They certainly won't eliminate the sound of drums being played in the same room but they'll cut it down considerably even then, and they may be enough to suppress farther-away drumming almost completely. The fancier ones cost a few hundred dollars but you can get an adequate pair for a lot less. Amazon carries them, among others.

Good luck!

[spiritual_emergency]

As yet another possible suggestion, is it possible he's playing in your vicinity because he wants you to know he's good at playing the drums? Could it be that he's seeking your acknowledgement/approval of his skill/talent?