Help

im not sure how to entirely describe what is going on, all everyone keeps saying is it's puberty but a lot of this has been happening ever since i could start remembering things. uhm idk what would be best to start with...
-i have insomnia
-ADD which is normal for a teen from what i hear(both of which i have medicine for Vyvanse and Clonidine)
-Stress: so much stress for absolutely nothing
-Paranoia: i am constantly paranoid about EVERYTHING also for no reason , is someone out to get me, is that person trying to be mean to me for no reason, what will they think of me.
-idk what this is but every time i make plans or say anything the exact opposite happens no i'm not exaggerating i.e(i'm going to stay the night at XXXX's house this weekend WRONG, it never happens)
-Angry: i have a very short fuse and i hold grudges forever
-Rage full
-loss of interest in everything
-competitive
-lazy
-little to no self esteem
-losing thoughts frequently
-empathy (students at my school keep calling me a "psychic vampire" because they say they can read my aura and that i am "stealing" energy of everything around me and i am dangerous (great more self esteem boosting) but im pretty sure they are BSing me.
-i can't stand losing (games, bets ect)
-i dont want to do things because i can't do them or i feel like i can't (why bother if i'm just going to fail)
-jealousy
-envious
-afraid to take risks
-very rarely do i get excited about things (plans, trips to places, friends coming over, girls ect ect)
-addicted to video games
-afraid of everything
-i think i am smart and have i high IQ but not entirely sure.

one of my main things is jealousy I.E (video game, all of my friends are better than i am and they haven't been playing as long as i have, and video games are the only things i pride my self on but i am constantly shot down and it messes me up so badly, i need help.)

i sat down one day and made up this list when i was depressed... i need help i'm tired of feeling numb/angry/depressed all the time.

I'm sorry you are going through so many troubles Loopygoop. Can you share your list with your school counselor? Maybe they would have some advice or be able to point you in a direction that's right for you. shaggy

Hello, Ryan. Have you told your parents what you just showed us? You likely would benefit from professional help. Please talk to your parents about getting it.

Good luck.

Yes i've shown my school counselor and it's summer break now so i am going to miss her, and she also recommended i see a professional, i showed my parents but im kind of on the back burner because my mom just had surgery (which is understandable) and i have called a counselor that is supposed to be great with teens like me... but i have yet to hear from him, it has almost been a month.
which is why i turned to this maybe someone can help me even a little bit or just give me an outlet or something.

Hi Loopygoop I'm sorry you are feeling so abandoned right now and I will hold your mom in my thoughts. I've gotten alot of comfort and support out of these forums and I hope you do too. shaggy

Good for you, Ryan. Hope the counselor gets back to you.

Please continue to post and let us know what you want to talk about.

May your mother fully recover.

Be well.