Okay, so perhaps my recent irrational thinking is getting rather... irrational...

The other day, a friend invited me to go for a drive. I went along, and I decided to make the brave decision of inviting my cousin along, as since my breakdown six months ago, I have avoided a lot of my relatives, and the only one I've seen is my mother.
Well we had a good day, and then some photos got put up on Facebook. Then a few hours later I get a message from my grandparents that they had seen my pictures. This got me really worked up, I was pretty livid about it as I have got in this state of mind I have realised, where I want to 'run away'. I don't want a lot of people (especially most of my family) to know what I've been up to, where I've been, whether or not I've got a job, etc..
There are a lot of reasons for it, and I'll just be making a huge thread if I explain the whole thing. But to try and put it basically, my family has been a cause to a lot of grief, all the drugs, alcohol and abuse, and their lack of concern when someone really needs a bit of help. It usually has to get to a disastrous point before anyone is willing to do anything.
Everything that has ever happened to me, especially the feeling of being unwanted, rejected and nobody having any major concern for me finally hit the fan.
Ever since I was about 10 years old I've always had a lot of nightmares, and I've also had a lot of themed dreams, and the most common one I've always had is about running away, and the feeling from these dreams has always been overwhelming, like this huge sense of relief, especially the dreams where I am running through drains or tunnels or corridors. I could live in these dreams.
Well... the other day, a thought came through my head. I realised if I ended my savings account my mother made for me when I was little, I could take out all the money that is in there (about $10,000 is left), then I COULD vanish. I could move overseas and stay with someone I know (one person in particular I know would definitely let me stay with them). I wouldn't leave without telling anyone, and this is not something I have the courage to do, but the feeling of it is starting to overwhelm me, I wish I had the guts to do it. But I can't give up the home that I live in, I'm too attached to it. And I know it wouldn't go how I envision.

Anyway, I just needed to share this with someone, I haven't really told anyone before that I'd like to 'run away'.

((((((((Dearest Evening))))))))

How I empathise with you! I would love to run away to the UK and live near my mothers grave so I could visit it every day. That sounds irrational too but its the constant feeling I have.

So I do understand sweetie, you aren't alone and if I had the money I'd be out bound in a shot. You're not alone in your thinking hon and if it be so, then I am an irrational thinker too,

Rhiannon

No matter where you run, you bring your baggage with you. I think everyone has concidered just disappearing at one point in their life to some degree. What I've learned in life is that you meet the same people over and over again. Their names and appearance change, but the personalities are the same. You have to learn which of these people are healthy and positive and surround yourself with them.

I'm sorry that having your grand parents see your pictures angered you. But life is about actions and consequences. The only actions you can control are your own. Exercise some self care and think about the consequences. If you don't want people to see what you are doing don't post the pictures or set your securities to limit who sees what. I would highly recommend that anyway but keep in mind if a person is clever or one friend on your list has lower security settings then things you don't want everyone seeing can be viewed anyway.

One of my nieces hates it when you look at her. She'd rant and rave about people staring at her. What she refused to take into concideration was that she buzzed her hair off and dyed it an unnatural orange color. A six foot tall girl with buzzed orange hair is going to attract attention.

Greetings,

There are many people, without realizing it, who have made a life out of running away. I like to refer to it as procrastination, in some sense. After all, all running away represents is putting off from dealing with the underlying issue to which is causing the problem, in the first place.

No matter what kind of degree it is, I bet you, almost everyone, if not everyone, who has ever walked this earth, has had their fair share of playing the runaway, sometime within their lives.

Have a good one.