[Etrees]

(mild warning, if I seem to jump from idea to idea, it's because I'm cooking or dealing with the hubby or kids. Sorry in advance!)

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about my triggers for anger, frustration, depression, happiness and I've noticed that it completely surrounds my ideas about my kids. I always felt that I shouldn't have kids. Even before I got depressed. I couldn't stand little kids just talking about something over and over, mostly something that elementary schoolers do.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but I've noticed that I love my daughter more than my son. With her, I've gone with my gut instinct and stopped breastfeeding when I felt uncomfortable doing it, when I knew I was starting to go nuts. With my son, I had so much pressure on me to continue from his doctor and my husband listening to my doctor and even cafemom (where I go to vent most of the time) that I feel that I had PPD, though I never went to a dr because I really don't like going to doctors.

I can feel when my daughter gets upset or frustrated and I start feeling the same way. I get frustrated and angry when my son won't talk about what he wants- he refuses to talk or potty train, but he will for my mother in law, verrry frustrating. Like just now, all he does is grunt and moan and point at the kitchen cupboards ( I was in there cooking before hubby went to work) a few minutes later hubby tells me that he (our son) pooped his pants again. He did SO good the first week or so, then hubby went to night shift and it all went to heck. All the while, the baby girl is fussing and crying because she woke up and is hungry or needs to poop again.

In the past week, I've cleaned my daughter's bouncy chairs (we have 2) once each, and my son's underwear... let's see 5 pairs of underwear, 2 days plus 2 today... so 12 times. I smell like sweat and dreft. Nasty combination.

dangit I lost my train of thought so now I don't know what else I was going to say... if I think of it I'll reply later. I'm gonna go get my son out of the tub, put him in a diaper and see what's wrong with my daughter. Then I get to eat finally.
blah

[barleysmile]

Wow. A word of warning...my sister was my mother's favorite and my brother was my father's favorite. It has affected me deeply. I was the unloved one. I'm guessing your son knows how you feel. We, as parents, often unknowingly give ourselves away with body language, tone of voice or other unspoken clue. He is probably responding to your angst and knows he annoys you.

I was never safe when my father was away at work or on a business trip. All my mother's focus was on my sister or our baby brother. She just didn't like me and I always knew it. This is very painful emotionally for the child. Find a way to stop.

Whether or not you should have had children, you did. It's done. Breatsfeeding is a personal choice. Others can pressure you but you'll be the one who decides. Don't let your favoritism of your daughter become normal. It's bad for both your daughter and your son and their relationship to each other.

Find ways to enjoy them. They're going to be with you for a long time.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

It sounds like an aggravating situation but I agree that favouriting is bad. My mum didn't have love for me unless I was doing her a favour, or doing her friends a favour the rest of the time I was a "mental crazy worthless idiot"(though I did all the house work and started the ironing at 7 just to add to my woes...I don't iron now I hate it).

Try to see them as equal in your affection. No doubt your son knows how you feel and does just not know how to begin communicating with you. And probably your mother in law speaks to him quiet and in a comforting manner...Good luck with this

[Etrees]

Oh I know it's horrible, and I really am trying to fix it. Though it very well could be the fact that she's only 5 months, so I'm still doing -some- bonding. But I know my Mother in law can watch her and give me a day or so to spend time with him. I really do try to show him that I DO love him, it's just hard that when I'm sweating my butt off then I sit down to try to cool off he jumps on me and tries to fall asleep on me Though that was my fault, I snuggled him and cuddled him almost all day up until I got pregnant again. Only reason I really stopped it was he would kick my stomach and it needed to stop sooner rather than later. I wasn't a favorite either, so I know it does affect him and am trying to fix it. I just think me coming out with this and getting it off my chest, out of my mind, is the first step to fixing it

[lone_twin4]

I thought the favouriting could also be due to the bad stuff that happened when your son was born, with the PPD and pressure to breastfeed (something which really gets my goat! Doctors who advertise bottle-feeding as sinful, breast feeding as the only way... makes parents feel pretty inadequate). Also, if your daughter is the youngest and you had more practise by then, it makes sense that everything came easier. When women have traumatic or stressful experiences around the birth of a child, it can be difficult to bond with them.

It's really impressive that you can admit to what you're doing wrong, though. Having two young kids is very stressful and a 24/7 job! Maybe just you and him should spend some time together, talk to him and have him help you out with stuff around the house. Or go to a local mum and child group of coffee morning. I used to take the kids I babysat to those and they loved it. Going out together and having them get to make new friends helped them open up to me when they didn't really trust me before.

[Etrees]

I thought the favouriting could also be due to the bad stuff that happened when your son was born, with the PPD and pressure to breastfeed

it very well could be. Not only did I have the pressure to breastfeed and possible PPD, but I was -so- prepared to have a natural birth. Instead I went in with back labor and 12 hours after I went in I had a c-section. It was a huge traumatic experience for me. I felt less of a mom- less of a woman, for it happening. It happened for legitimate reasons, but I never really got over it. I felt if they had sent me home and let me wait it out a bit it would have been a natural birth.

I had another c-section with my daughter but it was scheduled, so I was prepared for it.

I'm really working on it. In fact, he's sitting on my lap right now (haha) eating some fried rice with me. The baby's in her bouncy chair, gooin and gaain away. But I know my son feels loved. I give him hugs every day, kiss him, play with him when I'm not focused on the baby. And even the baby loves him

[Dave101]

well. those are the unexpected things that happen all the time... maybe its a reaction of a depression.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

it sounds like maybe you are a little overwhelmed Etrees...being a mom of 2 young children is alot of work and sometimes our frustrations come out on those who need us....it sounds like you need a little "me" time...the extra work of a new baby can take a toll on your emotions...seek help and take some time to sit and think or relax,,just you time,,and post here to vent some stress...that helps ...your children feel all the emotions from you and they are affected throughout their lives from their experiences growing up .. as their mom you want what is good for them and they need love and support throughout their lives from their parents ..you need support too....

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

I agree with Dave101, it seems as if depression may be teasing you. Of course, stress seems to be accompanying it, as well. I hope you can find the professional help you need to help you overcome such.

Have a good one.