[Sam]

Several years ago, way back when I first bought my computer and came online - I chatted a lot and finally became a regular member. This chatroom also had its own forum, and in time, I became a chatroom host and a moderator of its forum.

I soon learned that communication, even at its best, is a tricky beast - one that can turn on you as quick as it can assist you. For example, there are several words that have different meanings to different people, and when a diverse group of people are involved, it is just a matter of time before these words that can mean different things to different people flare into something more than was ever intended.

Also, the mindset one person has while posting or replying plays a big factor. If that person is overly tired, upset, angry (I think there is a difference in being upset and in being angry), or agressive - their words, or post, or reply may be taken in a different manner than the author intended.

And the reader of that post, if they are overly tired, upset, angry or agressive can very well mis-read what was written, or take it differently than it was meant.

And then there are times - all the words are right, but the tone is wrong, or off, and that can change the way others view what is written.

I have yet to make a post, or reply and have it actually say and do what I originally intended. It's just darn hard to do it. Regardless of my intentions, or how well it may look after it is posted - I can always improve upon it later. Funny how that works. There is much to be said for hindsight.

So I learned that for me, I needed to have some rules in order for me to control negative or mistaken wording in my posts and replies. I'm not asking anyone to adapt them to theirselves, but stating what works for me.

#1 - I never post or reply when I am angry. Period!
#2 - I never post or reply when I am upset.
#3 - I never post or reply when I am terribly tired.
#4 - I never post or reply to an arguement!
#5 - I never take sides in an arguement publicly. I say publicly, because my show of support for one, or my lack of support towards another is a no win situation - and no one wins.
#6 - I always show my support viva IM, email or PM.
#7 - I never show disrespect towards another. To do so - robs myself of self respect.
#8 - I'm no doctor so I don't tell others what ails them. I do however, state my opinion as to what I think or what I would do if it were me.
#9 - My rights are not anymore important than someone else's. and ...
#10 - Have fun.

These are my 10 golden rules of posting. I may at times stray away from them, but never very far. I try to keep them, but I'm far from perfect.

I've seen several communities since I've been online. I've been a member of a few, and I can tell you - this is the best forum on the web - at least, in my opinion. I haven't met or spoken with Doc John, but from all I've seen and read - he is a very cool feller (probably even cooler now that fall is here and he has someone to remind him HE needs to take out the trash. And a piece of advice Doc - go ahead and do it when she asks buddy - for you can spend a week fighting her over it and still end up doing it. - Just kidding). And while I can't say I know all the moderators here (believe it or not - I really don't), I think their a truly great bunch of people to take on the extra amount of work so we can have this wonderful place to be. I've found it is hard engouh for me to come and post what little I do. Where - How do they ever find the time??? And the members here - what a great bunch! I admit I haven't replied or posted to all of you - there are so many different boards with as many different posts - I have such limited time, so I post to one here and there, but really, don't let my absence of replying ever make you think I don't hold you in high regard.

In closing ... I wish to thank Doc John, our Moderators, and you - my fellow members for all you do. You're all a credit to the human race.

Your friend Sam

Anyone can say I love you, but actions speak louder than words.

[kvinneakt]

The Sam Manifesto, it is superb.

It should be a permanent part of the site FAQ.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

[Zenobia]

Those are some good suggestions. What I try to do is use "I" statements. I don't know what would be good for anyone else but I do know what has helped me so I stick to what I know and hopefully it is helpful to someone else. Sometimes there will be a disagreement to which I am more then happy to step back from and simply agree to disagree. Mostly I trust that those who read what I post will take everything I say with a grain of salt and quietly say to themselves (under their breaths) "she is full of it tonight isn't she." There have been a couple of people who have made me extremely angry. Looking back on it I have to wonder why I let them get under my skin. All I had to do was click out of the thread, bypass what they said or if worse comes to worse turn off the computer for a little while.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[heidu]

Sam,
Thanks for posting your thoughts. I totally agree with everything you have said and suggested. I will definately do my best to follow the "10 golden rules of posting".

Lots of hugs and respect,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[forgoten]

I'm breaking one of your rule right now because I'm upset but I have to reply.

All the rules you have written circle around respect and kindness. Rules of harmony. You are a great caring person.
Take good care! (((((((((Sam)))))))))))

forgoten

[hey_hey]

Great post, Sam. Your words have shown a high volume of decency and thoughtfulness. The ten golden rules of posting are going to be very helpful if each of us can take what are the most suitable. Although your time is limited, but do not limit yourself in expressing here, as you stated that here is the best forum you've ever known, then you may believe that most of the members are non-judgemental on people, and very accepting on new ideas and thoughts.

I've only joint this forum in July, but have been feeling great since. I hope to see more of your words in the future

Best,
Toni

[i] What our mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve.

[Willow]

Wow Sam... that was like a work of art. You are a great communicator. Thanks for this message. Excellent advice!

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sam}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

What terrific rules you have....you are a wonderful person and I think these reflect you and we can all learn from them.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[Sam]

(((((KV))))) & (((((Carrie))))) & (((((Heidu))))) & (((((Forgotten))))) & (((((Toni))))) & (((((Willow - bats eyes ... lol ))))) & (((((Heather)))))

You're a very sweet, loving and wonderful group of people - each of you have greatly improved my life by just being here - so thank you!

I didn't come by my set of rules overnight. Unfortunately, it took me a very long time before I learned. The great thing is - I did, finally learn.

Carrie - I really like what you said, in using the term ... I. It certainly helps to reduce friction.

Heidu - You're welcome sweetie. It is the one thing I review before posting ... lol

Forgotten - Thank you! And as for being "forgotten" - I doubt that anyone as sweet and caring as you are - could ever be forgotten. I know I'll not ever forget you.

Toni - Thank you. I care, I really do. I think I live in a caring and decent world, and in order for it to be - I have to be or else, I am fooling myself. I'm glad you came, and are feeling better.

Willow - <blushes> - Thank you sweetie, but you give me way too much credit. But it meant a lot to me - it coming from you.

Heather - Thank you! I think - I fall far short of the greatness I witness from each of you. You all are really something else! And I do mean you all. You do so much, in show of support and understanding. I really do admire you all!

Your friend Sam (who is so lucky to know you all)

Anyone can say I love you, but actions speak louder than words.

[LadyDragus]

I like your rules.. all of them make so much sense, and we all follow some way of intent with them, but we most likely never say it..

So thank you for sharing this post with us..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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