[Omers]

Anyone grow up with an "attachment disorder"?

My son technically cannot be diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder because he has autism. Lately though he has been acting clasic RAD. He is adopted and had disruptions in his care givers at all the worst developmental stages. He also spent from age 5-7 in a residential program with high staff turn over.
I've worked in the field, I've read the books... I know all the things the professionals tell you to do. And... I am.

I want to know "his side" though. He is non-verbal and in the midst of it so he can't tell me. I didn't post this in parenting because I am not looking for parenting advice (although it is welcome). What I am looking for is someone who has lived or is living with it and would be willing to share their experience with me... What they wish could have been done differently, what could of been handled better. What they wished the person caring for them knew.

I know that I can't be what he wants me to be but I really want to be what he needs me to be.

Thanks

[Gus1234U]

it is so thoughtful of you to ask these questions, Omar. i don't talk about it, because people think: once disordered always disordered. but yes, i too had my parenting all disrupted at all the wrong times... what i learned was to pretend to be what ever the current set of caregivers wanted, and never to trust anyone not to leave. i would say that consistancy, honesty and reliability are the traits you can keep to the fore, to help him at least find a way to look at you with some kind of respect. i hope for the best for you both~~~ Gus

[Omers]

Thanks Gus. I know how important my personal experiences with autism are in my ability to help him with his autism. The majority of the books and theories out there are garbage.
I also know that while I wouldn't say my attachments were/are healthy it is in a very different way and for different reasons than his.
I am owned by cats...I don't have a need to be anything more than the one who met his basic needs until he is able to be on his own. It is important to me to be sure that I do meet his needs to the best of my ability and to what ever degree he will allow.