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#1
Oct 29, 2009, 02:38 PM
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I know that I'm not okay but have NO idea what is wrong with me.
All my life I've had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. I know my biological father is schizophrenic and my mother, well I'm pretty sure she has some sort of emotional imbalance, it's always up and down with her. I've always had peaks and valley's emotionally. I go from mellow to insanely angry in seconds and little things give me mini panic attacks. I feel like I have fought off some serious demons. I have really bad thoughts sometimes, just mean thoughts, judging people, not trusting people, pushing peoples buttons and stirring the pot when given an opportunity. I have no self esteem. I'm married to a wonderful man that puts up with my moods but I don't want my kids to have to deal with them the way we did with our mom. You'd never know what would set her off. I've got an addictive personality and due to drug/alcohol and gambling addictions on both sides of my family try to stay away from non positive addictions, so I have the ability to fight it off before it starts which is positive I suppose. Most recently though I've been able to do nothing but day dream/ or dream at night about other women, sexually. I am not gay, or at least i don't think so I love my husband and kids but I can't believe how realistic and how intense these fantasies are. It's all I can think about and now i've taken it a step farther by looking at sexy pictures of women on the internet and watching sexy lesbian adult videos. I just like the way it makes me feel, i like watching it and it has made my sexual relationship with my husband hotter. You can probably tell just by me writing this that i jump from thought to thought, i imagine i have some sort of adhd too, i'm way too embarrassed to talk to a professional about this or let anyone else know some of the things going on in my head. Should I be seeing a doctor? There is so much more.....teenage relationships that were abusive mentally/physically/sexually and other experiences that follow me around. Advice anyone? |
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#2
Oct 29, 2009, 07:25 PM
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Hello hotmessjw79, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psych central.
I am sending you lots of hugs  It sounds like you have a lot of things going on, have a look around and post more whenever you feel comfortable, I hope to see you around.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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#3
Nov 26, 2010, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
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#4
Nov 26, 2010, 10:56 PM
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I think that the thing to be tackled at source is the past abusive relationships (but I don't know how - does anyone else?) and at the same time don't lose touch with strategies that help you with your current way of acting and relating.
Don't worry about your feelings, they are sad and you need to accept your sadness, just don't get misled by them in your actions. |
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#5
Nov 26, 2010, 11:17 PM
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we cant tell you here whether you should do something about your life or not, or whether or not you should see your doctors. we are not there in your life with you so what we tell you could end up leading you wrong and into harmful situations that may not be right for you.
that said being honest here I didnt read the whole post. I just skimmed it, I do have an answer to your main question Quote:
All the physicians and mental health community around here have a saying - if it bothers you then you should contact your doctors. 
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#6
Nov 27, 2010, 12:00 AM
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Hello jw,
Welcome to pc. I can imagine the fear this is bringing up for you. Is there epilepsy in your family? I really think you should see a doctor, ask to be referred to a neurologist and have some testing done.
__________________
 Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
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#7
Nov 27, 2010, 09:06 AM
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hi jw, i found that going to a therapist helps me a lot. just a thought...
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#8
Nov 27, 2010, 09:58 AM
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Wow, so much going on.
You have made an important first step... Knowing yourself and where you may have challenges. We can't heal what we don't know is there. Please keep posting. You will find a lot of support here. Personally I think that talking with a doctor would be a good next step, when you are ready. |
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#9
Dec 17, 2010, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
keep on posting here this is a very good site .I dont even go on webmd nomore like it here better
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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