this sounds weird but it's about the cat.

She's driving me insane.

Ok, my partner got the cat from a shelter before she and said cat moved in with me. I knew about it, knew it would make it harder to find a place to rent but for some reason I said yes.

The cat is gorgeous. she is cute and playful and just like a cat should be. But she makes me so angry.

I don't even know why, I just find myself getting in a rage when she's naughty and I pick her up with this unthinking need to strangle her, shake her. Then I get all tearful and try to spoil her with food and pats. I don't understand. And then I tell myself, "see, this is why you'd be a bad mother, you can't even handle a cat! You'd be locked up, you aren't fit for anything!"

The other problem is, I have mobility issues and balance problems, and the cat has tripped me up on a couple of occasions. I ended up with a nasty giant bruise just last week when she got underfoot.

And they say pets are supposed to be good for you.

I don't know what to do. My partner doesn't know how the cat makes me feel, she'd probably say I was being silly.

I can relate I cant seem to say no too people like if they wanna borrow something and I know that they take a long time too get my stuff back and as soon I wanna say no and out of the blue I say yes Iam like thinking In my head like why did I say yes .And I feel guilty and my mind will start racing with thoughts I cant control.

I have had that exact problem with my own cat(s). My first cat I was severe with for little "cat" things and realized in its and my 15+ year relationship that I was replaying my stepmother's and my relationship (where I was the stepmother). My therapy was very helpful in getting me to understand.

My current cats; the one I adopted specifically because it was so fearful, it approaches one, badly wanting to be stroked but then skitters away, just out of one's reach. It reminded me of myself and how I behaved in therapy and, already understanding how I had related to my previous cat, it intrigued me and I thought it might be helpful in teaching me more about myself and how I'd like others to relate to me or me to others. I named it after my great grandmother, who was named my "favorite" name.

My second cat is very gregarious and big on wrapping itself around my legs as you say, almost tripping me. I yell at it and tell it that the first time it trips me, it's "gone"! I do not feel bad pushing it out of the way with my foot (not kicking it, literally pushing/shoving it).

I would discuss the cat with your roommate and the problem with your therapist if you have one. I would think of a few things to remind yourself of the separateness of yourself from the cat and how it's "just" a cat and not a person. I would figure out ways to deal with its behaviors (pick it up and put it in a room away from you and shut the door if it habitually exhibits a certain behavior at a certain time that is not good for you. My cats do not like their cat carries, it means they are going to the vet :-) They immediately go and hide. Make the cat go and "hide" every time you are going to walk down the steps (my male cat is afraid of water; you might get a squirt gun to use if the cat is doing something you don't like).

There's no need to be cruel; but it's your space and the cat lives there "free". The cat must behave to your liking or it can't live there?

I'm experiencing similar feelings toward our youngest cat, Paisley. She's about 9 months old now, and still kitten-playful. When she suddenly runs across my body when I'm in bed, she severely startles me (bad for my PTSD) and sometimes causes some scratches. Other times she gets underfoot and trips me (I'm mobility-impaired also). When these things happen, my first reaction is to feel rage. It only last a moment, and I have not hurt her although images of doing so have come into my mind. I am surprised by the level and intensity of the anger that comes, even if it does go away quickly. (Since I'm also experiencing a lot of severe headaches lately, I am about to visit my family doctor to see if there is a connection.)

If it helps you, here is what I do to discipline Paisley when I catch her doing something naughty, like attempting to tip over the kitchen garbage can. If it is within reach, I will grab the plastic water bottle and give her a squirt. She'll stop what she's doing immediately, and since I am not touching her, she won't associate being punished with my touch. So, she won't become hand-shy. If I can't get to the water bottle, I'll hiss at her the way cats do. This puts me in the role of mama cat, and she behaves herself.

thanks so much for the help and not yelling at me about cat-abuse! I love River, she's a gorgeous thing, I think being at home by myself alot means the poor cat cops all my unhappiness, and cats can definitely pick up your mood. I'm trying out the spray bottle thing - she hates it! But trying to remember she's a cat, not a person, and not the problem. I try to make sure I watch where she is when I'm walking around too.

Oh no it not cat abuse lol.Pets can get on your nerves like with the cats In my neighborhood they throw out trash can on the floor where it end up in the road and uggh thats more work I have too do and sometimes I wanna choke them but they are cute its a love and hate relationship lol

I agree, no cat abuse involved. Feelings are one thing, actions are another. You say you pick the cat up with FEELINGS of strangling or shaking her, but you do not say you actually DO that.

Likewise, I'm having another severe headache, and I just said through gritted teeth to one of the cats who was meowing nonstop, "Shut up or I'll shut you up." Will I really, truly do anything to harm her? Absolutely NOT. Just venting, because I'm grouchy.

Oh it's such a relief you guys understand! I was thinking I was some evil fiendish type for the way I was reacting! As usual, over-thinking and cat-astrophising (pardon the pun) again.

Right now she's curled up by the balcony door taking in the breeze. So am I. So...I guess I'll learn to walk away when she's driving me INSANE.

Ah sounds like you resent miss kitty.....from the post it seems like she blessed you with kitty without reallly talking it out with you??? Is that correct? You said yes because kitty just kinda happened......maybe,,,...and I would,,.....feel disrespected!!!!

Talk it out with partner now and air this out otherwise it can lead to a kitty death or a partner death, neither of which you will be happy with!!

p.s. I always said "yes" when sometimes I meant "no".......Talk to you partner tonite...Let me know how things go
Hugs;

I have been apologising to the cat. You are totally right, my partner did really say, I'm getting a cat from the shelter, hope you're ok with that!"

I adore cats, I've always had them growing up and this cat is so sweet. Insane but sweet. But we really can't afford her, and the people we are renting the house from don't know we have her.

I'm really bad at saying no. I managed to talk to my partner last night about other problems I thought we were having, things i needed from her, and, would you believe it? I was the one who ended up apologising! Not AGAIN!!!!

I have to learn to be firm without coming off as a whining nag. It's very hard.

You're right!!...It's really hard!!!!!!..........I was never really good at it either...but I am getting better with people finally!!!

Hi Amoslass,

I can relate. My partner has 2 cats. They are really sweet. But (you know cats) they're up at 4am walking by my head, jumping on the bed. There are times when I get so irked. They drive me nuts. But I know the cats just wouldn't understand why it is a problem to wake me up at 4am. So I make sure to keep the door shut. Well, in my room. I don't sleep in the same room as my S/O. There are times when they just purr and are so sweet and terrific. I do love them. But, having boundaries is SO important. I think a cat tends to respect your just walking away. I have had someone who knows cats tell me this is a really good thing to do. Also, don't play with the cats when the cat wants to play, rather approach the cat to play when you want to play. This sends the message that you are the one that initiates the activity.

I love cats, but they do have the tendency to trip up, and this can be a deadly habit. I have a friend who was heading down basement stairs with the clasic basket of laundry and her cat played the "I'm-going-to-run-ahead-and-rub-against-your-legs-from-the-step-belo-" trick. Result: One dead cat, three crushed vertebrae, one friend with severe chronic pain issues.

Anger comes often on the heels of fear. If the cat, sweetie that she is, throws you off balance, you will feel angry. There's been some really good advice here, both for you and the kitty. Is there a way that you can secure a kitty free space so that you can move around without having to be afraid of kitty underfoot somewhere? She sounds lovely, but i can understand needing to have someplac where you feel you can move around without having to feel nervous of where to put your feet. HUGGGS to you and the fuzzball!

Cats can be trained not to get underfoot. my partner is on crutches and when not using crutches its also a health issue. we have trained out cat BlueJay to stay away from my partners crutches and feet. do did so by stopping right there when the cat was at our feet, stomping our foot to the floor and saying in a loud deep voice like a growl "No stay back". Now blue jay does not block our walking nor does she do figure 8's around our feet.

We trained her to stay out of things she shouldnt be into the same way, a loud deep toned, growling "no stay back". we now have a very well behaved cat who is a joy to have around.

squirt bottles of water also come in handy for training cats. we had done that in the past too and have had successful outcomes.