[Can't Stop Crying]

Sometimes I feel like I'm not real, like I'm made of clay or something, and can just be molded into whatever the situation requires (wife, mother, employee). I don't think there is a "me" inside. I've spent so much of my life meeting others expectations and adapting to traumatic situations that I don't think I ever developed an autonomous identity. I don't have a definition. Just a shell of clay with nothing inside.

[disguise123]

but your here, thats a start. And i think there is alot inside you, maybe u have hidden away maybe so well u cant find it.

[Rapunzel]

Yeah. I feel like that too. I wasn't allowed to be me. But now I'm working on that.

[Can't Stop Crying]

"But now I'm working on that."

Rapunzel - how?????

[Fresia]

I felt like this too at one point. I remember it well as if it was yesterday. I had been run ragged for everyone else and had not considered the effects and toll it had taken. It took working with T and pdoc, and for me, going to an outpatient therapy program that met either days or evenings to get additional help to change it, in effect, to 'find me again' so to speak. We all have roles we play but is a matter of to what degree we play them and not changing ourselves completely for everyone else in my case, so I had to learn to stop doing this because it was always at my expense and running me down. I had to learn boundaries for my roles with everyone and find things in my life again that brought balance and joy.

The outpatient program was a lifesaver but a T or counselor can help with this too without an actual program. Let them know how you are feeling so they can help you with this. Hang in there!

[madisgram]

in regards to rapunzel "working on that" this how i did it. i can only speak for myself but therapy opened my eyes to find "me". it enabled me to become insightful. it empowered me to learn new skills about what i liked and didn't like and with my environment too. i learned how to set boundaries with others. i finally felt like i had a "voice" and felt i was a worthwhile person in my own right.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

Sometimes I feel like I'm not real, like I'm made of clay or something, and can just be molded into whatever the situation requires (wife, mother, employee). I don't think there is a "me" inside. I've spent so much of my life meeting others expectations and adapting to traumatic situations that I don't think I ever developed an autonomous identity. I don't have a definition. Just a shell of clay with nothing inside.

yes sometimes I do too like Iam not even human.

[Nola22]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

Sometimes I feel like I'm not real, like I'm made of clay or something, and can just be molded into whatever the situation requires (wife, mother, employee). I don't think there is a "me" inside. I've spent so much of my life meeting others expectations and adapting to traumatic situations that I don't think I ever developed an autonomous identity. I don't have a definition. Just a shell of clay with nothing inside.

Yes, but not in the exact way you may, Can't Stop Crying. I have had to deal with relationships in which my voice was no more than a quick breeze rustling through leaves, at least in my estimation. I was and am patient, I listen well, and I care about what other people have had to say. But when it comes to my concerns, emotions, or experiences, no matter how articulate I am, little seems to stick with many of my friends, and my family was a lost cause most of my life. Fortunately, my mother has changed tack with that in recent years, though it would have been most helpful when I was younger. I still appreciate her effort.

I am often shocked when I bring up something dear to me, or I am in a crisis situation, and the same people with whom I've related cannot or will not connect with me. These are the folks who are supposed to be my friends. I try to cut them some slack, as I figure they are protecting themselves or do not know how to react, but it doesn't save me any hurt.

When it comes to dealing with people now, Can't Stop Crying, maybe setting up some preliminary boundaries might be helpful. You deserve a place where you can retreat, heal yourself, and rebuild that self too. Start small, and don't let people push you into situations in which you feel used or where you don't wish to go. There is a you, Can't Stop Crying, and she's come here in the hopes of renewal. I wish you all the best.

[Sannah]

Hi CSC, you have to start at the beginning and move forward, just like it seems that you are doing. (I have read your other threads).

(((((( Can't Stop Crying ))))))

[Rapunzel]

It's hard. I was in a marriage that never was right for me, and I got there trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do. When my kids were little, I felt so trapped and isolated. I never got out, and I needed contact with someone I could relate to. Joining a homeschooling group helped a little. I had always wanted a career, and had given up on it. After a really severe depressive episode, I went back to working towards establishing my career. Still coming up against walls and barriers there, even though I was so close. I left my marriage just a few months ago. He was never right for me and couldn't allow me space to be me. Sometimes he tried to do it for me - to make me into what he thought I was or should be - but he couldn't tolerate my need to explore for myself. My mother couldn't let me explore on my own either. When I left home, my mother forgot that I existed. When I left my marriage, now my ex is shutting me out completely and trying to get rid of any evidence that I exist. I'm not allowed to visit at the house (where my children still live), and he insisted that I didn't deserve anything (money, belongings, etc.)

I'm on my own now. I rent a room from someone I have known for several years. She is like the mother I should have had. She doesn't try to control my life or my decisions, but is ok with me coming and going, and she encourages change when it is my decision. I'm in therapy again, for the 9th time, now, and I'm finally free enough to be allowed to be in charge of my life. I still don't always know how, though.

I guess that how is to start to be who you are, no matter what someone else might think or say about it. I'm making changes that I wanted to make for years, but I was afraid to. I wasn't sure it was right. Most recently, I cut my hair and I dyed it red. I wanted to have red hair a long time ago, but was afraid to try. Little things, big things - listen to your own heart.

I have that happen to me sometimes. I feel like I'm not a real live human being, but some kind of robot, or maybe a fictional character. I'm not sure what causes these feelings, but my therapist called it "depersonalization."

Welcome to PC, CSC. Safe hug, if wanted.

[lonegael]

CSC, I thik it happens more often than you think. the fact that you are here means that you sat up one day, noticed that this is happening, and said, "This is wrong!" This is already a way of saying that you ARE here, that you see and feel and make a decision, and that you want something to be different. This is good.

Do you have the chance to talk to a pastor or a councelor in your town? It doens't have to be in your chruch, maybe even better that it isn't, so you don't have to play a role for him or her. If it's a counselor, maybe that's not a problem at all. Do you have a good friend you can talk to?

You might try sitting and just writing down the things you like and what you don't like. not just psysical things, but feelings, memories, and so on. You don't have to show them to anyone. It will start to give you an idea of who you are, right now, where you are at the moment. Sort of something concrete to hang on to. You can do this with other things too. What you do well, what you could work on. Earliest memory, first cookies you baked, just ideas, you don't have to use these types of things. And see what you can do to get in touch with a therapist of some kind, OK?
HUGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS!

[constantdreamer]

I haven't felt "real" in almost 21 years... I've never really saw a correlation between my depersonalization and my people pleasing issues... but maybe it's connected... Anyways I've been working on finding who I am, what I believe, letting people into my walls of defence (I've always sub or maybe un conscientiously felt if people couldn't see me they can't hurt me) I haven't been able to get very far yet... If there's any resistance on the other person's part to understand my needs I sugar-coat and downplay my likes dislikes and needs... I suggest you go slow, I know it's hard, I'm working on it too... and I like rapunzel's and others suggestions, especially about making a list I've been trying to do that too... it was really hard for me to start it, so I finally asked my kids who I am... They started spouting out things about me that I hadn't realized until that point... It was very enlightening to me... I hope the process is that way for you too! Good luck!

[Elysium]

I often FEEL like I am not real. Like NONE of this is real. Sometimes when I look up at the sky....and I see a long white jet stream from an airplane I get this perception that it is tearing a hole in the sky, which is merely a sheet of canvas...and that behind that is just darkness and we will all be sucked out.

Other times I will be driving and I will have the perception that what I am seeing through the windshield is not real....that I am only looking at a screen, like in the movie theatres, and that if I break the window...there will just be blackness.

My T says this is part of the dissociation....that it is depersonalization and derealization. It used to really freak me out because I didn't know what it was. I would have anxiety attacks and think I was going crazy. Now, I just breathe and I roll down my window, or I challenge the thoughts by grounding and being mindful of my surroundings. Sometimes that helps....but it still feels creepy.

But I really don't think this whole thing is real at all. I really hope it's not. The things humans do each other....I hope it's just one big, bad illusion and that it will be over soon.

[Lexi232]

I think that's not uncommon for someone in your posisiton.
Personally, i have times where i feel like i'm not really in the right reality, and that the real reality is screwed up often. Sometimes i believe its just my mind living on after i went into a coma some time ago, and even sometimes i have things that prove this fact, but i try not to focus on it, because the more i focus the more troubling it becomes. it used to not bother me when i was a kid, as i thought "well what does it matter if i scream at my 'parent', they can ____ me but it wont affect me because i'm really just all in my mind living out while my real body is in a hospital in a coma."

[mgran]

I'm a sparrow. I borrow everyone else's song.

[kjco432]

It's natural to feel invisible. To feel like your going through the motions. And it's a very hard cycle to get out of. I've felt the same way.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I don't think there is a "me" inside.

Um... who doesn't think so?

[lonegael]

My difficulty is more that sometimes it feels that the me inside and the me outside don't quite match up, even if both are very much aware. Annoying.

Real, in the sense of being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not illusory, is a product of our perception.

Perception may be defined as the conscious recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli that serve as a basis for understanding, learning, and knowing or for motivating a particular action or reaction.

Unreal can mean lacking in reality or substance or genuineness; not corresponding to acknowledged facts or criteria.

For me, there is a legitimate distinction between an existence perceived as illusory and an existence bereft of meaning or purpose. I have wondered whether I exist, or if so only as the object of cruel joke. To consider that possibility is to confirm I am capable of perceiving, even if my life lacks substance.

http://le-foundation.org/files/Psych...0Happiness.pdf
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfu...nto-your-life/
http://ecourse.amberton.edu/grad/RGS6036E1/Foura.htm
http://hubpages.com/hub/Emotional-he...-for-wellbeing
http://gmj.gallup.com/content/126884...?version=print
http://www.uic.edu/depts/wellctr/dimen.shtml

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

even if my life lacks substance.

Yikes - this is one the of the first posts I wrote. The words still ring true, but in a slightly different way. I think you hit the nail on the head Byz. Now it's more about finding substance, defining boundaries, and using my voice to acknowledge that there is a me.

It's not so much...there is no me..it's more, who am I?