[dpadilla89]

hi all,
for some who do not know me, im deborah and i am fifteen years old. i have been diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and ADD/ADHD all within three years now. i also cut my arms on and off for about four years now, havent yet though recently. i do get paranoid a o though when i go to bed, im scared so much of going to bed, i think because of the dark, and i had two nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night too. im very depressed, anxious, confused and i feel like its ME ANGAINST ME ALL THE TIME! its a constant battle, and i never win. it sucks. anyways, i alsohave been hospitalized four times and been put into partial hospitlazation three times. but today is my last day of partial program! yay! i dont know though, i need help more then you can imagine in my opinion.
yeahh, sometimes i hear things inside my head but my doctor said that wasnt hallucunating, but i think i am. its wierd. i sometimes have delusions also. like, when i want to cut, i think the evil will get out of my body. but then i realize its not true. thank god! when i get paranoid, i think someone is watching me so i start screaming to myself in my room, **** you! or something along those lines....
i dont know, i also go to a theraputic school and get therapy four times a week which is good. but ive been having ALOT of anxiety over the past couple of years and this new school is making it worse i think too. i just feel like i have all the problems in the world, i also used to have an eating disorder, baliema, (wrong spelling) for a little bit and im thinking of going back to it even though its bad. and i know i cant because im on Depakote and if i vomit my level will go wayyyyyy up!! and that wont be good at all, yeahh. the ADD is frustrating too. it sucks. schools a bummer. im off today because of parent teacher conferences. yay! but i have to go to partial like i said around 2pm. well anyways, im just looking for some support because i feel like i have no one. i need something 24/7 and i dont get it. sooo hopefully, this will work in the future. thanks everybody!

deb

PS---if anyone wants to talk, or if they have any questions for me, DO NOT HESITATE...just email me--thanks!

[ozzie]

Hi deb and welcome to the forums. You'll find lots of help here at the site.

girl, you have oodles on your plate right now. it's no wonder that you need lots of support. i am hearing you. whatever i can do to help you, i will. please continue to post and support others and you will find a spot just for you here!!!!! xoxoxo pat

[blackdragon]

welcome and if u ever need to talk and im on PM me. I do have msn messanger and if u feel like reaching me there thats fine. Im glad u found this place. This place has helped me alot and i bet it can help u too. Welcome. Oh yeah if u want to know im bipolar, social anxiety disorder, bulimic (correct spelling) and i also self inflicted.

[dexter]

Deb you might be able to find some free peer-to-peer support groups that meet weekly or biweekly, that may help give you some real life support and understanding.

The great thing about this place is that although it is not face-to-face, it is available 24/7, there's almost always someone here to post if not to chat also, and even if there is no one here you can post and know that you will be heard in a short amount of time.

Welcome to the forums and good luck.

[SpazKatt]

Hi and welcome to the site!