Do i really want to die? Probably not. I just don't want to maintain my stuff. I have to do my taxes, wash my car, etc. I can barely be bothered writing this thread.

[nice girl]

See how nicely you answered your own question. . . .
You don't want to die. . . .
I know it could be hard for you. . . . . . with so many things to be maintained in proper order in your life. . . . but that's what life is. . . . . . We are just too busy engrossed in maintaining our work. . . .

[shezbut]

((Illegal Toilet))

I'm not sure if I'm picking up on the right words. Your post confused me a little.

I've fought frequent desires to hurt myself ~ and have also longed for death. But, in that state of mind, taxes and other medial tasks certainly did not enter my mind. I couldn't give a hoot about those things in my darkness!

What holds me back is my daughters. I use that guilt that comes up, for making my daughters endure such pain, for motivation to stay alive. I also try very hard to use it to stay out of hospitals. They've seen me in and out of countless hospitals already (due to physical illnesses and then mental). They're only 6 and 8 y.o. It has had an effect.

Perhaps your post was your way of gaining some attention? Just a thought...I don't know. Wondering if anyone is listening to you. Wondering if anyone cares. I've been there countless times myself, and know many people at this site have also been in that state of mind. Loneliness. It does suck!

People here do care ~ I know that I do. And I'm not the greatest person, so that means that a whole lot of people actually do care! Does that make some sense to you? Try to hang in there. You may want to go into the chatroom to talk with someone about how you're feeling right now. To get instant feedback ~ rather than waiting an unspecified amount of time for a response. Especially when you're feeling very emotional and you're needing a quick release & hug. That can be very helpful.

I wish you the best ~ gentle hugs to you!

[(JD)]

Few people really want to end their lives. What I think is you want to end your life as the way it is. You want to change your life, as you don't feel you can continue to live with the way things are -or are going in you life???

People often feel this way when they feel stuck and aren't happy. Depression tells you lies, so you think there's no changing anything and you might as well die.

But things change, and you can begin to change things too...little by little...push even when you don't want to...by doing so you will begin to feel better, having some control.

Just like becoming depressed is a downward spiral,,,beginning to feel better is an upward spiral.

Now, what needs to change in your life so you can see the value?

[Can't Stop Crying]

How are you feeling now IL?

[Taboodaisy]

i really dont want to live this way, but then again where is the change that suppose to happen any minute now..im still waiting and waiting and waiting..

Not much has changed . . . i just can't be bothered doing anything. I feel bad cos i should be looking for work or cleaning my car but i'm just flat.

It's been about a week and a half now.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[hahalebou]

@Illegal Toilet Yeah, I know that feeling. I don't really want to die, but sometimes you just don't want to do anything...you just want to hide from all responsibility and go inside your little bubble. And since that's often hard to do in life, you sometimes entertain the idea of death. It's not so much a plea for attention, but wanting to escape everyday tasks that seem like a huge hurdle to climb over.

I've been there, lol. I'm here if you need to complain.

[Crew]

((((((illegal toilet)))))))

IMO, NO, you really don't want to die. Why? You may ask? Because that may seem like the easy way out yet from my expeirence it just got me deeper into sluge like feeling. Now, wanting to get away from the stresses of life then maybe hospitalization may be the key. I know I used to go into the hospital b/c so many overwhelming things are hitting me. I understand where that comes from in me and I HOPE you choose Not to die......... (((illegal toilet)))) your needed on this earth otherwise imo, you would not be here on this earth at this time..

Hang in there.......................... people care here, like me

[lostmyfuture]

No you don't.

I lay in bed this morning and did not want to get up. And as I lay there I recalled the many times in the past that I did not get up. In college when I didn't have class. When I worked for myself and could just work later into the night. On weekends when I had no friends and nowhere to go and nothing to do. Sometimes I slept until noon. I was avoiding the voids in my life. The gaping abyss of childhood anxieties and adult inadequacies and missing relationships.

Now I can no longer avoid the abyss. It comes to me. It brims with small regrets grown into giant alligators and little fears the size of godzillas. Now I can see how trivial were the things I avoided before. How much worse they made the situation today. Now the void slips thoughts of death into my head as I lie awake in bed each morning clutching my pillow like a life raft and swirling ever closer to its vortex.

It's at that moment that I leap out of bed. I say to myself, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I go walk in the park or talk on the phone or go to the gym. I try to displace these evil thoughts with some others -- any others -- until I can breath again.

I don't want to die. Neither do you. But we must take action to live.