Vent Vent Vent Vent

The intelligence of my son and his girlfriend who are both IVY league caliber students never ceases to amaze me. So I leave my lights on at a client's home and have to leave my car there and catch a lift from hubby and daughter. I had noticed today a towel on the office chair by the computer and easn't really concerned, thought someone showered and threw a towell there. My daughter with OCD is sitting at the computer and thinks the towel is uncomfortable so she takes it off and notices a strong ickky smell. Son's girlfriend's kitten has been peeing since she brought home old cat. She pees and poos everywhere and some dimwit puts a towell over cat pee? So hubby just took apart this brand new chair and we separated the foam so we could soak it in vinegar and put the cover in the wash. My husband says he wants to put the chair in their room. I said leave it alone, it's not worth the stress and I have a feeling my son is overwhelmed taking care of this girlfriend with untreated mental illness.

I keep telling her to sched a Pdoc and she always has an excuse.

Okay, so yesterday I came home and it was 40-45 degrees outside. I noticed when I came in that the house felt warm so I checked and the furnace was set at 68. Then a few minutes later I felt a draft in the hall way and went into the bathroom where the window was wide open!!!! Well, that made me a bit unhappy. I went upstairs later and in my son's room the window was wide open and there was rain everywhere including stereo and computers.

My spouse heard the girlfriend crying last night. He thought it was about my leaving notes about the windows being open. The notes were witty and sarcastic.

I guess I just want to vent because I am putting up with this. I am letting it happen and I am not doing anything to make it change, Seems that when I do ask something that it makes it worse. Like they will see again mommy did the dishes and chores and the chair is dismantled and they will feel guilty and do a day of cleaning and cooking.

I guess I am in the choose your battles place right now. They certainly are not going to listen to anything I have to say. I worked at home the first part of the day and they didn't get up until 11:00. I heard my son scolding his puppy for pottying on the floor. They hadn't let the poor dog out! Then my son comes into my bathroom with a disposable cup stuffed with t.p. and puts it in my trash can. I casually check and see that it is the dog's poo. I flush it down the toilet and ask son to empty the garbage from the bath. I find it later downstairs next to the cellar door.

In all actuality I have had more peace with this stuff because I am choosing to accept it and see it and not let it get to me too much. You have to admit it makes for facinating reading on the young adult mind.

My friends have a 20 year old daughter. She rescued a Kitten off the road though dad is very allergic. She keeps the cat in her bedroom with the door closed at all times. The cat came into heat and busted out through the screen. I explained that as soon as the heat ended she needed to get cat to vet for spaying. She didn't. Has three kittens. Now she thinks she wants to keep a kitten. She is never home, works all day and is with boyfriend all night. Cat is fed and watered and that is it. Dad's allergies are very severe. I have seen him stuff up and close up so quick it's amazing. Her mom asked her to do the dishes the other day and she said;"why, I don't eat here"? Okay, so we raise these selfish little devils. Me me me. How come my youngest has never been through this? She seems responsible and aware and does what is asked of her. Okay, sorry, long post. I am flabbergasted!

Wow. I congratulate you for your restraint. They would not be in my house. Wisewoman how and why are you putting up with this? I just cannot understand..for the life of me.

I'm miffed and it's not even my situation. Please put up some boundries or something akin to that?

TGC

Oh Dottie, It feels like the more the boundaries the greater the rebellion. They do not see themselves in this light at all. It's weird, they think they do so much etc. Their brains are wired selfish right now. I would gladly love to see the girl and cats go!!!!

Honestly, my son sees himself as a perpetual victim, never his fault. I think he is starting to grow and BAM, back again. So it's easier for me to be Zen here. Yup, what a mess, what a bunch of dopes, oh yeah, cat pee. I guess it helps to be taking this attitude.

just as a funny I offered them on my freecycle site. I am sure it will get caught before it is published but it was fun. I said they came with all accessories including cats. Made me chuckle.

Dottie, I think of my friend Jane and try to hear what she would say if they were her brats. I think she would also choose her battles and try to accept they will grow up some day. In fact, her son was quite the little devil at this age, until he was 27 eeks!!!! It helps to talk about it and have someone else say that they are being idiots.

(((((((((ww))))))))) I'm sorry, but I"m with dottie on this one. How do you put up with it?

The 'kids' are old enough to be more responsible. They should contribute and clean up (literally) their own mess (like the rain in the room). Pay some rent or something. As for the trash can witth the poo - I would put it in his room. It would be very educational (and good for them) to find their own place to live and take care of themselves. Yeah, I know - money. Well, they'll have to figure that one out themselves.

WW, they're taking you for granted and it's not right. In fact, I'm kinda angry about it. You're a wonderful person who puts herself out for everyone (and I do mean everyone) and yet, you are not appreciated enough.

I'm glad your hubby is helping you. Please take care. huggles.

Hey SS, they were in an apartment, son had been on his own for 2 years and then came here because I couldn't afford his tuition any longer. They do take it forgranted. However, they don't know it yet but they are buying heating oil, and they did clean up their own rain eventhough I heard my son having a tantrum about it when he came home. I don't know, this is just one of those things that I guess I will have to process more or get very angry before I do something. It is complicated by his bipolar disorder. Thanks for caring.

Glad that they cleaned up after themeselves.

You have the patience of a bottomless well. Does that make sense?Anyway, I hope everyone pitches in to make your life easier.

Whew - I couldnt handle what you are going through at all ! Makes me think of yesterday's "DrPhil Show" about "moochers" or "boomer rang" kids........the ones who leave and come back, leave and come back. He really gave the parents down the river for allowing it, saying it is a disservice to them to not ALLOW them to become independent productive "people". I had to LOVE his solution to one family's situation - 13 people in a trailer - 6 belonged there - the others were adult children, their spouses and kids who had come home AGAIN to live.......DrPhil had a moving van at their home while they were at the show - and moved the "moochers" out ! Shocked those kids ! LOL (He did supply a home for one month while they found places of their own). I happen to think Dr Phil is AWESOME in case you couldnt tell ! LOL

I agree with picking your battles when raising kids - but IMHO, this isnt a battle you should even have to deal with at all. They either need to pull their share of chores, cleaning, cooking, keeping THEIR pets cared for and cleaned up after - and not putting nasties in a trash can in your home ! Again, WHEW - I couldnt deal with that......any of it.

Things that are inarguably their duty... like their cat, therefore their cat-poo... don't let them slack off. Put the poo in their room to take out. If they leave it by the garage, you take it back to their room. Taking it to the garage isn't taking it out... They expected you to take it out the rest of the way, so do take it the rest of the way... to their room. If they complain... hey, you saw cat poo in your garage, so you did your part, you took it out of your garage! Problem solved! They want to be selfish, you can be selfish too.

And it still bothers me "they think they do enough". Clearly they don't but even if they did that is irrelevant. It is YOUR house, you are doing them a favor, they should be doing as much housework as you want them to do IN RETURN FOR THE FAVOR. If you want, you can make them do ALL of the housework as their "fee" for living there. If they don't like that, let them find a better deal... in some other location.

What upsets me the most is the statement "son had been on his own for 2 years and then came here because I couldn't afford his tuition any longer". That fits in with what you said earlier about him feeling the victim all the time. That is such a horrible way of thinking. He came back because HE couldn't afford to take care of himself! He is not ENTITLED to money for tuition or for living or for anything from you.

Maybe you should write a letter to Dr. Phil. I like his straightforwardness too, Parker.

It is hard to but the feeling into action, but it really is true that you are hurting them more by letting them get away with this... they won't be able to take care of themselves in the real world, and won't ever be able to pursue fulfilling lives if they don't lose that "victim" mentality.

Do whatever you can to get them out, get advice and help from others, for their sake as well as for yours.

Good luck WW

{{{{{{{{WiseWoman}}}}}}}}}

ok that's unacceptable! I could not live with that *hugs*

(I am 22 and I have my own appartment) It is cleaned EVERY week and garbage emptied 3 times a week! I think much of it has to do with nature not nurture. Not all 20 somethings are about "me me me". Sorry I just felt sterotyped :\