[Oxidopamine]

I was inspired to write this thread/post from TheByzantine's thread where he posted the article of "why people shouldn't have cause to fear you". I began typing my post but realized it was getting pretty long-winded and perhaps a bit off-topic so I'm posting it here (edited to be more coherent). It's still long and at the end I integrate sociology (Karl Marx and Michel Foucault) into this.

One of the factors mentioned in the article was anger, so I want to discuss my anger as a youth, how I controlled it through martial arts and to allow others to share their experiences and struggles with anger.

As a youth, particularly in elementary and early high-school, I was physically smaller than most males my age. On the other hand, as a youth, my father was usually the largest of his classes and so was his father, and so on so forth. His family also shared a trait of anger, usually verbal but it was not the kind of verbal anger that makes one think, "damn, that's one angry guy", it's more of, "I better get out of here!". Unfortunately, I also had such anger, however, genetics probably isn't the only cause, there were also social and psychological factors.

As a youth, I was bullied around but not as severe as one may often hear on the news. I found from an early age that anger can be your best friend, it can get people to leave you alone when you don't want them around and it can allow you to intimidate people so you'll get something you want. At that age I didn't see a terrible down-side to the anger, I mean sure there were some people who I had fights with but they weren't daily occurrences and I usually didn't get too badly hurt, except a few times. When I lost a fight, I sometimes was teased by the "winners", so I'd lash out with even more anger.

As I entered early-mid high-school I finally realized every time I got angry to the point I hurt someone, I was shooting myself in the foot as it led to strained friendships. Like any high-schooler, I wanted to be popular and while I may not have held #1 popularity, I was well in the top. That is where I realized, those who are at the top, middle and bottom have more friendships than I did, which made me question myself. I was invited to parties and so forth, so I figured I was liked but I finally realized people were being nice to me so I wouldn't be angry at them.

I talked to my peers to figure out if this was the case and when I was told it was, it made me feel like I was a knuckle-dragger who would pound on his chest like King Kong. Interestingly, I still managed to be amongst the top of the class in terms of grades. I tried various ways to manage my anger but it was only temporary because at home, the anger would start from my father and I would have to try to not lash back. The anger wasn't about poor grades, it was anything from not closing the fridge door because I left it open as I was pouring juice or milk to my father's favourite football team losing so he'd get angry, knock something over and it became my job to clean it. Needless to say, we got into some fights, mostly verbal but a few turned physical.

However, I had more friendships, still had high grades, still was popular but there was one kid in my grade who I didn't get along with. He bullied others but for some unexplained reason, before I knew he bullied others, we hated each other. He would be angry and aggressive, and at that time I was already able to somewhat control my anger but he'd eventually push my buttons to get me going. I then met another kid who I became friends with instantly, although the aggressive kid and I fought over this new friend. He tried be a mediator between us but didn't always work.

I'm not sure what inspired her but my mother suggested I try martial arts. Perhaps it was because I was spending hours on end online but I found I enjoyed martial arts. This particular form was self-defense.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive at first but martial arts really helped me control my anger. The instructor closed up shop as he got his own dojo where he taught karate and self-defense in a very traditional manner. My parents were rather amazed how quickly I became so relaxed, my father hopped in and he found the same effect!

To take an even more surprising turn of events, the kid who I didn't get along with became (and still is) one of my best friends! According to him, he was angry and aggressive to me because he felt threatened by my demeanour. Although he doesn't do martial arts, he's pretty good at fencing. The friend we fought over also began doing martial arts.

The three of us would spar outside while at each other's houses, although we had strict rules about what was allowed. Although it sounds like a recipe for disaster, it wasn't because we shared mutual respect of each other and didn't want to turn it into an angry brawl.

I still train in martial arts and I've found it has made me a lot more calm. I had so much pent up anger with no pro-social way to release it, I just ended up in trouble, leading to more pent up anger. Punching bags have done wonders for me as have martial arts. The instructor even comments that when I arrived, I would have little hesitation to hit very hard if someone did something I didn't like. I think one reason it was so effective was when I came, I tried to impose my anger and aggression to control others but the sensei didn't care for that. He didn't get barking mad as I expected, he remained calm yet firm. He was the final factor that made me realize being calm isn't being weak because being calm takes a lot more effort than getting angry. I used to think those who were calm either didn't care or were too weak but I now realize that's not the case. In fact, nobody is weak because we all have control over ourselves to not immediately give into our primal instincts.

For those of you who are still awake and study sociology, you may know who Michel Foucault is. Unlike Karl Marx who believe people were on a power ranking, Foucault viewed everything/one having power. Furthermore, this power could be used in a pro-social constructive way. Calmness can be constructive and everyone can be calm. Anger is temporary but if we keep at it, the anger can become long-lasting and more intense. Regardless of what fortunes anger can bring, calmness can bring many, if not more.

[filensave]

This was a very nice post to read

I have been taking martial arts since I was 8 and I never used it to control my anger, either because I didn't have to or, I was the oldest one in class (when I was in the kid class), but when I went to the adult class I was constantly told to be more aggressive and for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to be more aggressive (just my personality). But over the past year I started getting more aggressive and I found it helping me with not just my anger but becoming calmer overall.

Again, thanks for posting this it was nice to read.

[Nemo39122]

Wow, it's interesting to see someone else who understands this about martial arts. I honestly never thought I'd see a thread like this.

I've been in Tang Soo Do, which is similar to Taekwondo, for a few years now. Within months of starting I noticed my anger issues had nearly disappeared. I don't know if it was the physical release of being able to hit things, the learned self-control and discipline, or both. Whatever the reason, it was a huge relief. I had never realized the stress of not being able to release anger without causing problems that led to more anger. It was an amazing feeling, to be honest.

I know this thread is about anger and martial arts, but I have to mention this as well. I believe it has also helped me with other issues, such as depression. I'm one of those on my school's team that trains for national tournaments, and the training for those is often ridiculous. But, it has taught me to push through the feeling of not being able to go any further, which as you probably can tell is a huge help with depression, or any issues really. My martial arts friends are also just like a family to me, which is another incredible feeling I hadn't really recognized before. To be honest, martial arts has possibly saved my life over the past year or two. It's my world, my life, really.

[Michah]

I undertook training in kung fu in my late 20's. My master was from China and a 16th generation grand master......I became very interested in Taoism as a direct consequence of his teachings and training...

Rage was also one emotion to ebb away while training. After being very close to commiting acts that would have incarcerated me eventually, I had found a way out of it, and my master deeply cared for my welfare. He basically saved my life and my sanity, and helped me to turn my rage without, rather than within, through endurance meditation and the understanding of forgiveness.

If you can find a good teacher who cares about you and your progress, martial arts is an excellent way to control rage, and eventually reason away with it forever. I still get angry, but not so much rage anymore. Anger is good, rage is not......

Take care,

Michah