[rainwater]

I have tried very hard to figure out why my negative thinking persists despite medication, cognitive therapy etc..and it seems my mother has a huge impact on how I think about myself and the way I percieve in general. I just got off the phone with her and the conversation was as it always is, tell me what kinda problem your going through and i will either tell you how I know you need to fix it right away, or else say you have ruined my day with the problems you are having. When I do give her positive news about myself she sounds unbelieving and even annoyed then wants off the phone quick. I guess I have been "her victim" my whole life pretty much and maybe some of my poor self worth is because of our relationship. I love her, but need to find a way to have a healthier relationship with her or myself. Any wisdom or understanding I would appreciate, Thank You.

rainwater

[SophiaG]

You really need to stop talking to y our mom about your issues. She's not helping it sounds like.

:/

[lynn P.]

I agree with SopieG. You can let her down nicely though by saying something like "I realize you're used to helping me and fixing everything but I can relieve you of this now that I'm an adult". Let her know you want her to be encouraging when you tell her positive things and to have confidence you'll do just fine. She needs to switch from being your problem solver because you should be fine now you're an adult. If she can't make the shift to being a good listener without feeling she has to solve your problems then don't share those things with her.

[Gus1234U]

absence makes the heart grow fonder,,,

[cin1]

Originally Posted by rainwater

I have tried very hard to figure out why my negative thinking persists despite medication, cognitive therapy etc..and it seems my mother has a huge impact on how I think about myself and the way I percieve in general. I just got off the phone with her and the conversation was as it always is, tell me what kinda problem your going through and i will either tell you how I know you need to fix it right away, or else say you have ruined my day with the problems you are having. When I do give her positive news about myself she sounds unbelieving and even annoyed then wants off the phone quick. I guess I have been "her victim" my whole life pretty much and maybe some of my poor self worth is because of our relationship. I love her, but need to find a way to have a healthier relationship with her or myself. Any wisdom or understanding I would appreciate, Thank You.

rainwater

i thought my mother was just "it". she was my best friend, ya ya ya.. now, she is gone, (dead). she was not the person i thought she was. she didn't want to talk either if i had a different opinion or thought. i had to begin thinking about what i might say to her instead of just pouring out my heart. she was always first in her life and every one else' and she was happy to tell you so. i love mine to, but i had to be honest about our relationship. i just waited a little to late. cin1

[rainwater]

I wish she was alot less CONTROLLING and PANIC less but this has been our relationship for 45yrs. and Im just now realizing her thoughts may have become alot of my thoughts and so Im going to take you all's advice try distancing myself and controlling what I share with her for both our benefits possibly. I have tried doing this on occasion but usually ends up we are talking more Drama eventually. Thanks for Being There.

[zbmom]

My T recommended to me that when I talk to my mom on the phone I just tell her everything is fine, and that I'm good regardless of how I'm doing. She said I should try to keep it short and ask her how she is doing.

I haven't had a chance to try it yet but I'm going to see how it goes. It sounds like a good plan and T says she does it with her mother and it's the only way she can deal with communication with her.

[Maven]

A lot of my judgments about myself are from my parents. I criticize myself sometimes, but it's the same comments my mom and dad have used. It helps to recognize that, and tell yourself to "Shut up!" when those criticisms pop up.

[madisgram]

lots of good suggestions here so i won't jump in too far. surface talk with mom is best. less conversing with her-distance. avoid falling into the trap of her grasp. she definitely is controlling.

[rainwater]

I have always wanted to have a healthier relationship with her but still be connected, you offer some suggestions looks like would work if I stick to it and not fall into her grasp of control demanding to know absolutely "Everything" going on in my life regardless.

rainwater

[xraydiva09]

Yes yes yes your mother is in your inner critic-all mothers are lol My mother is amazing, but with the years flying by, the more and more opinionated she becomes. And alot of times her advice or opinions make you feel like crap. I get upset, but usually I get over it quickly-I decided to only give her the highlights on certain problems so she still feels needed, but not to really divulge problems where the stakes are higher. It has made for both a happy mom and a happy daughter. Good luck!