[maf1000]

Hi I'm not really sure which sub-forum this post should be under so I thought I might ask here.

I can't maintain steady/normal eye contact with anyone - family, friends, strangers. I'm very aware of this in every conversation I have and yet I can't control it, I always look away after a few seconds. I must look ridiculous with how much my eyes wander when I have to talk to someone. People have noticed it and I haven't been able to keep normal relationships for a long time because I always avoid spending time with people. I'm 26 years old and I've had this problem since I can remember. I want to lead a normal life but it's been impossible. What can I do to make this better?

Thank you.

Hi and welcome to PC

I had this problem for years, When I was in therapy I discussed this as it was a nightmare for me, My T told me instead of eye contact maybe looking at peoples noses instead as it is the same as eye contact, Maybe you could try this? People do not notice as I do this now.x

[KathyM]

Hi maf

I don't see why it's such a problem. I'd be uncomfortable if someone stared directly into my eyes for any length of time during a conversation - it would be very distracting to me. I also find it distracting to stare too deeply into someone's eyes when they are speaking to me because my mind starts to wander.

Instead of trying to maintain EYE contact during a conversation, I would suggest you focus more on maintaining EAR contact......through the use of your eyes. Look at the person's face and eyes long enough to get a read on the emotion of what is being said. What matters most is the attention to you pay to people and what they are saying. I don't see why it would be necessary to maintain steady eye contact.

Good luck.

[StrongerMan]

I tend to look away or off in the distance when I am speaking and trying to formulate my words. This is just a force of habit. I sometimes notice people are aware of it and will look where I am looking to see if somebody is coming or something, lol. But it is just what I have to do when ad libbing in conversation and I know that what comes out of my mouth will be substantive and succinct. I think people really are too concerned with how they appear and thinking about what they are going to say to care about what your eyes are doing. Most people are just happy to talk to someone who can carry an intelligent conversation and actually listens to what they have to say.

[shezbut]

Hi maf1000

Welcome to PC

I am very similar, in many instances. Personally, I avoid eye contact due to my low self-esteem. StrongerMan did make a good point about other instances in which I, too, avoid eye contact.

Definitely when I am trying to recall memories and particular words. I always look down, trying to focus on finding what I'm looking for. I don't think that's uncommon or unhealthy. The low self-esteem possibility isn't particularly uncommon ~ lots of other people battle their low self-esteem as well.

Building that up takes time and repetition. It can be done. I am currently in-patient working on overcoming my low self-esteem. I have been highly encouraged. The trick is changing the thoughts that I have against myself.

I wish you the best ~ take care!

Shez

[serafim_etal]

In many cultures, eye contact is considered rude or a challenge. If more people were aware of this, then I think that people who have trouble with eye contact, for whatever reason, would have less trouble in relationships! Since that is not the case in most of western society, I think the suggestions that have been given are good ones.

[sewerrats]

its a type of SA , the old saying is never trust someone who carnt look you in the eye. Its confidence you are low on thats all. I carnt see stareing at noses being a good thing, the person may have a nose he or she dont like an stareing at that instead of there eye,s is not cool. Practice with someone you know well an work your way up.