[madisgram]

this thread could also be placed in psychotherapy forum. i'm choosing to place it here first for discussion. i think many of us are/were uncomfortable pouring our our most dreaded secrets about ourselves even tho we have chosen to get help. it's a double edge sword. want help, afraid to divulge.

....Something or some event (perhaps multiple events) gave you the message that it was risky for you to open up. For you, opening up probably makes you feel extremely vulnerable and by remaining unavailable, both literally and figuratively, you are protecting yourself from being hurt. Think back and try to answer the question about what led to this long-running problem; here you will find the root cause of why you are so guarded.

http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-ther...-to-therapist/

[DePressMe]

I think it takes time to be able to open up to a therapist. For me I had to start opening up with the little stuff and then slowly work my way to my bigger issues.

Also it takes a good therapist. I've had some bad therapists that I had to fire because they were no good as a therapist. Right now I'm lucky that I got a good one. I've built up trust with him so I am able to talk about whatever issues i need to talk about. The connection that he and I have is very important.

So I think it all boils down to a good therapist and lotsa time to learn to trust.

[SophiaG]

I don't typically talk about my darkest secrets with my therapist because i am too concerned with how she might feel about me once i've divulged them. So i keep them hidden and secret.

[sugahorse1]

Sophia - I am with you. There are certain feelings I am embarassed about and I do wonder how people will perceive me. The superficial stuff is easy to discuss; even delving into 'deeper stuff' eventually gets easier, but I find I NEVER get to the real bottom. I never manage to fix some things at my core

[Open Eyes]

I felt that way for many years sophia and sugahorse. It really takes trust in a therapist and it is hard to reveal some very core issues. But it does help to let it out and have someone knowledgable who can reach down with you and help disarm those core issues. It is a slow process to address but you can eventually find some answers that can open up your mind to managing your life better, and even feeling safer and even better realize your only human and many people have deep core fears and confusion that is hard to express.
Open Eyes

[sugahorse1]

If your issue for instance was - I crave attention and knowing that someone cares. It makes me emotional because I feel it to my core when I eventually do receive it. I feel you are giving this to me, and don't know how to handle these feelings. Not romantic by any means.

[elliemay]

There were several factors that truly helped me to open up in therapy.

The first clearly was the fact that, because of his experience in the field, he likely already knew what the core issues were with me. He was just waiting for me to say it. So, given that he probably did know, and had not run out of the room screaming, it was kind of silly for me no to talk about it. As it turns out, I was right.

The second was, and this did take awhile, but I made an absolute vow to myself that, no matter what DID happen, I was going to tell my story. I visualized myself actually saying the words 1000 times before I actually said them to him. This helped a lot because (1) it created an image in my mind and alleviated a lot of fear and (2) it helped to shape the positive outcome that I wanted.

The third was that I had come to trust him. He certainly seemed benign enough. He certainly wasn't out to hurt me, or use my words against me, he was there to help me.

The fourth (and this was a *biggee) was that in a session I was talking about something irrelevant and how I felt about it. He leaned in toward me and very clearly, without equivocation, said "That shame you feel does not belong to you, it was put there by someone else. You don't own it, it's not yours to carry. It has no place in your life now."

All in all, in boils down to courage and willingness to put yourself out there. THere are certain things in therapy that make it easier, but vulnerability forges connection and acceptance, both vital components of healing.

I do not recall ever having not been open and forthright with my therapists. It made sense to me that the therapist could not help me with issues he/she did not know about. Also, I am one that likes to get to the core of the matter. Dilly-dallying around in therapy with less consequential matters seemed like a waste of time and money.

[vanessaG]

I too was having problems opening up to my semi new therapist. I knew i had a lot to figure ouy but was playing the laughing game and he seemed pretty content letting it be the way it was.
Till one day last week i had such a bad breakdown i was going back n forth about calling him and reached out for help on here- other users en encouraged to to call for that extra emerg appt. He called back several times offered several appt times that would work for me, and when i wen in...i was such a wreck i couldnt hold anything back. I cried and cried and he finally saw ME. MY issues. I remember him askinh relevant questions, leaning forward in his chair. He seemed like he gave a damn! So now its easier to open up after he saw me break down. I jusy couldnt hold it in anylonger.
In fact my visit is tomm n i plan on asking him for 2x wk visits.

If you can find a little courage to let him/her in- jist a liytle bit, a good therapist will see that and take you where you need to go.

Good luck