[mala]

There are many wonderful loving carers in this world. Im no longer one of them, I wonder about carers who really dont care about the people their caring for, so why are they caring or helping ? What are their reasons for caring ? It doesnt make sense to me. Some research doctors who assess patients without any care are considered to be good - efficient ; whereas there are others who are over involved and are obessesed with their patients or "pets". what do you think?
mala

I think what you speak of has been a topic of discussion for a long, long time without any consensus.

[Omers]

I am a care giver to my son with multiple disabilities. I often come off as and am called uncaring because of how I work with him. I am VERY strict. However, if they truly knew what was going on they would know that like any child he doesn't like the limits however it is those very limits that make him feel safe. He fights the limits but dissolves in anxiety and distress should I let up too much or for too long. Sometimes it is a matter of perception.

[SophiaG]

For money?

[SophiaG]

So they can feel powerful? To make themselves feel better about themselves?

[mala]

Hi SG,
I think there certainly are professional carers who are in it for promotion, prestige, or some gain of some kind, it can be psychological, anything. Its difficult to know, as people do not reveal their innermost motivations or needs etc to their partner, doctor or priest, friends .However, I think there are some truly wonderful people out there who are not perfect but the caring that they do is near to perfection. GP - I guess our own experiences and character can affect perception of what is going on. I dont think personal carers have the choices of professionals - for example a psychiatrist who chooses his / her profession. Ive known quite a few who have clinical disorders and I guess with anything it really is emotional reasons for why people choose the careers they do. I think some of the creepy ones are gynaecologists - why would they choose to do that work?

[sewerrats]

My wife is my paid carer, she has to be because you never know what i will do next. I carnt have my own med,s as i overdosed so she is the one scripted with my meds. I may flip an go on a 3 day trip to who know,s where, be nuked by depression ,anything. How she puts up with me i dont know, when i ask she say,s i love you.

[hopefultohelp]

I think there are many reasons someone may be a "carer". Their upbringing has taught them to care about people, maybe it is an innate thing for them. As I was growing up, I always was for the "underdog". I truly felt pain for those kids who were rejected by other kids. I would befriend them even if it meant that I would be rejected by the most "popular" kids. I didn't care! I knew someone needed a friend and I wanted to be there for them. Maybe because I always felt loved by my parents, I don't know. I do think that some people care about others because it is their job. I only wish that if they were going to chose that as a career, that they really, truly would feel heartfelt love for their clients. It would be a better world if they did!

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by mala

There are many wonderful loving carers in this world. Im no longer one of them, I wonder about carers who really dont care about the people their caring for, so why are they caring or helping ? What are their reasons for caring ? It doesnt make sense to me. Some research doctors who assess patients without any care are considered to be good - efficient; whereas there are others who are over involved and are obessesed with their patients or "pets". what do you think? mala

I'd guess that other than paid carers, most carers are family members. And I don't think that family carers, even family carers who are excellent carers, necessarily love and/or respect their patients. There's something in a family ethos, and by "family" here I'm referring to an extended family, that without even talking about it, gets the message across to children and youngsters that whatever happens, you take care of your own.

And growing up they can see this ethos in practice. It doesn't have to do with "deserving" to be cared for. It doesn't have to do with loving or respecting (other than as a member of the family.) It's more a great, big, huge NO!! when you see an image of a family member in the gutter, or stuck in some charity hospital or nursing home. It's like, it's like seeing someone shoot or stab a family member. And it doesn't matter that you're the last one there. It doesn't matter if you don't have time. You make time. You care for your own. Take care!

[sewerrats]

That is true, my last breakdown was really bad, im mentally ill, but not so to be in hospital long term. I mean i spent time in hospital, but im not away with the fairies type ill. I have attack,s of illness an never know when they will hit. I do need to be looked after whether i like it or not,I was adviced by my doc to give up work, so my wife gave up her job aswell to babysit me. In england you can claim benifits if a carer an it goes on the severity of your illness. There are 3 levels and my wife gets the middle level. It is really paying a family member to be a nurse, so your not a burden on NHS it saves them a fortune in social worker,s an real medical nurseing an to be honest your out there hair. You have to be a special person to give up your life, to keep an eye on the one your careing for,. I dont remember a lot i have done , but im not so bad since giveing work up, but without my wife an kids i would be dead that,s about the top an bottom of it.