Someone on another forum made the statement that he envies the mentally handicapped, because they seem so happy, carefree, and totally oblivious to life's problems. This prompted people to tell stories about how their autistic family members aren't necessarily happy and carefree. And one person, the one referred to as "Username" in my quote here, where I edited his name out, was of the opinion that life is hard enough without having to depend on others to wipe your butt for you.

Well, my reply might earn me some hate points, but I was only being honest.

This is what I had to say:

I make a distinction between the autistic (who can have very high IQ's) and the intellectually delayed. Both fall under the category of "mentally handicapped," and both get derisively called "retard" by mean-spirited creeps, but there is a ginormous difference between the two. Although (Username) makes a powerful case, I actually agree with the OP. I envy those who are intellectually delayed, the ones who have the mentality of children. I test within the autism/asperger's spectrum myself, as do several members of my family, and I have actually been told by a psychiatrist that I might be a significantly happier person "if we could find a valve and drain off some of your IQ points." As a child I was getting the best grades in my class, but I was the slowest runner, and the last to learn to climb a tree, throw a ball, jump rope, or ride a bicycle. Never mind my intelligence, it was the physical delay that earned me the dreaded label of "retard" and guaranteed that my classmates would despise me.

And don't think the intelligence ever balanced anything out. Any time I was the only one in the class to get an A on a test, I was a "nerd," a "geek," a "weirdo," and paradoxically "dumb," "stupid," and STILL a "retard."

Besides this, I had an aunt who was intellectually delayed. She never developed past the mental age of about 10 or 11. She was a bedwetter her entire life. Although for many years she held a job in the family business, and was good at it, her job involved simple, repetitious tasks and nothing more. She could never live a fully functional adult life, always had to be supervised, and remained totally dependent on her mother, who outlived her.

The doctor had told my grandparents she could not become stressed out, or she might slip into seizures. Therefore, any time there was a conflict between her and another child, they'd intervene and make sure she got things done the way she wanted it. Back in the days before cable and VCR's, if there was a disagreement over what to watch on TV, everyone had to watch what she chose, so she wouldn't be upset. She always had to be humored and told she was right. People did NOT call her "stupid" and "retard" as they did me. They were too polite. And she was always the center of attention. Any family gathering or activity catered to her special needs, and ran on her timetable--ie, the rest of us were always waiting for her to catch up. Any game, race, or contest, the others froze in their tracks and let her "win" so she'd feel good about herself. Those of us who were "normal" were the ones asked to make the sacrifices.

So yeah, I envied her.

[Open Eyes]

Do you still eny her? Would you have truely rather have had her life verses yours?

Any one of us can envy being treated with respect and getting our own way all the time so we don't get upset. But does that provide us with a good learning environment?

Yes she was handicapped, perhaps the only thing she could tolerate was everyone pretending around her. I don't know what to think about that, I don't know if I could envy that. The respect and understanding of her abilities an incapacities, I think that is nice. I would like others to understand my condition better and support me, but not necessarily just let me win all the time.

Open Eyes

Excellent points made there. Real brain food.

It's true, what I probably envied most wasn't necessarily that she got her own way all the time, but that people were compassionate for her mental handicap, but not for mine. In all fairness, though, it wasn't until much later in life that it was even discovered I *had* a mental disability.

ETA: It's just occurred to me. I too have a history of seizures when I'm under tremendous stress. However, again, that didn't come up until much later in life. I was in my 30's before I ever had one. No doctor ever told family members to humor me, give in to me, or let me win. So, they didn't. Nor did they shield me from the abuse at school. They didn't know to.

[Perna]

I think it is just a case of it's-always-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence.

We can't know what it is like to be someone else or have someone else's problems; we can only know what we, personally, think and feel about those people and problems from our point of view.

I remember being afraid of being ill and in the hospital and having an operation, etc. until it happened to me and it was, of course, not anything at all like I imagined. We are always so shocked and horrified by grisly accidents or deaths or other misfortunes but that's from the viewer's point of view, not the person experiencing them. Being in a lot of pain is very hard but my experience of extreme pain was that I was dealing with the pain, not thinking about dealing with the pain and how hard it would be!