[AdamAW]

I am vaugely musing about my life experiences.... the life experiences of my comrades on PsychCentral.... and any general learning points to be gained.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Whether or not I have a mental health problems is a technical point. My symptoms are that I have days when I feel half dead to the world and am barely functional.... When moving my body can feel like an athletic feat and my head feels like someone has extracted my brain and filled it with stuffed up bits of newspaper or cotton wool (one or the other).

It is disempowering in the sense that the condition deprives me of the power and efficiency which I would otherwise possess. For many years I berrated myself for not possessing, the energy, drive, competency, and super-efficiency which I saw in some others. "It isn't meant to be like this." was my daily mantra.

Well, what was it 'meant' to be like?

I have often messaged people on PsychCentral who are expressing self-reproach.... to tell them that I can relate.... that I have been there and know how difficult it is to accept the limitations of mental or emotional difficulties.... especially when we see all around us people who don't have those limitation.... who seem to be doing so well.

Even WITH a supportive network of friends and family, who understand the difficulty of our condition/ symptoms and are able to offer appropriate support it would be hard to fully accept such limitations. It means giving up on a dream - the dream of how we would ideally like to be.

For those who lack any empathic support from their immediate social network it is far more difficult still. Some visitors to the site describe their experience of being thought of as lazy or morally weak by friends or relatives who are unable to understand....

Thank goodness for this site and the support which it does provide....

Love and peace to you all!

[Perna]

I am glad you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow; talk about self-empowered! I hope the doctor can figure out what is causing your difficulties, I am working on my medical loose ends this month, have a doctor's appointment the 25th!

[lmr80]

Good luck Adam!

I was reading your symptoms and I think I have some similar issues. I too feel dead to the world at times and when you have to deal with people on those days I just want to hide under a proverbial rock.

I hope all goes well.

[shezbut]

I hope that you have a helpful meeting with your doctor, AdamAW.

It has helped me a couple of times to be open about my disappointment in myself and my future in the world. Sometimes, the doc decides to increase med dosage. Other times, he gives me feedback on my perspective of the world and who he sees in front of him. It has helped me feel a little better usually.

Best wishes and gentle hugs sent to you!